welcome to the year 2008

Nothing much to report, I got back safe!

The state of the world from Orange County, CA seems difficult to assess. I don't really like national cable news networks and also the local 'news' shows aren't really that interesting--they all cover 'breaking' news. :P it can't all be breaking people!

2007 - the year of advancement and victory

We're nearing the final hours of the year 2007.

So, let's review my determinations and goals. See which ones became important to me and which ones were not.

Accomplishments in bold. Partial accomplishments in italics

1. I want to have a victory every day; 365 victories for 365 days.
2. On my birthday, I want to have a 32” waist (Levi size). [34" - but i have a gut hanging out again :S]
3. Every week, I want to share this Buddhism with someone new every week. [More than I have in my life, but still not daily, not even weekly. Monthly]
4. I want to maintain and grow connections with all my friends.
5. This year, I want to read 12 classics; one for every month.
6. I want to read all of the Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Vol 1 & 2
7. I want to read all of the volumes of the Human Revolution and the New Human Revolution.
8. I desire to be the wisest person in all of the land.
9. I want to taste victory at work.
10. I want to see the unlimited growth of Aliso Creek chapter and its districts.
11. I want to be someone who Ikeda Sensei can depend on after he dies. - He told us in the BSG 2007 FNCC conference that he trusts us as the core of the YD of USA.
12. I want to support the growth of Soka University.
13. I want to support the growth of the alumni of SUA.
14. I want to forge a relationship with my mom and dad of solid trust and care.
15. I want to support my obaachan in her golden years.
16. During their study abroads, I want to support both my brothers.
17. I want to firmly ingrain the desire to challenge all at hand.
18. In the summer, I want to travel to Cambodia and India.
19. I want to lay the foundation for my post-graduate schooling.
20. I want to have a long term relationship. I found a guy I like. It's getting there.
21. I want to respond to my mentor daily. Weekly, in all honesty.
22. I want to challenge myself to do 1 million daimoku by 27 May 2007: Class of 2007’s graduation day. - I kick myself in the pants for not doing this.
23. I want to encourage one person to join the SGI. - I did encourage one person, but I didn't get them to join; let's try again next year.
24. I want to feel compassion for everyone. - I still want to.
25. I want to find the excitement in post-graduate, working life. - I advanced.
26. I want to build strong life-long relationships with people wherever I go. - I'm trying more and more.
27. I want to visit my friends around the US, at least once this year. - I've laid the foundation down to visit my closest friends.
28. I want to visit with my friends in Barcelona within 18 months. - Barcelona seems like such a long time away. I wonder if I'll go back. I want to.
29. I want to meet the man of my life in the next year. - Is he the man of my life? I don't know. But I've found quite a few guys I'd love to have around for the next year of my life.
30. I want to develop faith like water. - Still working on it.
31. I want to challenge my self physically, mentally, spiritually; becoming stronger.
32. In all aspects of my life, I will advance and have daily victories.
33. By 31 March 2007, I will slash my credit card debt to $0. - But it's back.
34. I will chant 3 million daimoku in the year 2007. - is this too much?
35. At the end of the year, I will have 8~10% body fat. *(around 170lbs) - Is this too small? No.
36. By December, I will report to Ikeda Sensei that I completed all my goals for the year. - I'll write tomorrow at the kaikan!
37. Every month, I will surprise even myself in the victories I have amassed in my chapter.
38. I seek to have an open heart and open mind to all. - I still need to open my mind and seek a lot more.
39. I will bloom.
40. I will live as a Bodhisattva and Buddha do.
41. I will strengthen myself to have the energy, time, and strength to do all above.
42. I will live the year 2007, without regret. - Less regrets than last year.
43. I will be a fearless champion of discussion. - Chanting more to elevate my life.
44. I will be the lion of Aliso Creek Chapter.
45. I will develop my intellect, my capacity for feeling, and determination to truth.
46. I will see things as they are. - Developing my 'sight'.
47. I will become the most creative person to have worked in IT.
48. I will to bring beauty, fulfillment, and truth to my work.
49. I will visit Seattle and Jessica, Sammi and Central Florida, and Ryo and Chicago. - I went to Seattle. I will see Sammi and Ryo, I think, for Cass' Wedding!
50. I will determine to read all of the Living Buddhisms and World Tribunes from cover to cover, the week and day I receive them. - Reading, reading, reading.
51. I will change the course of humanity, this year.
52. I will be the strongest, most honest, and happiest gay man that any of my friends know.
53. I will challenge political growth, this year. - It's not an election year just yet, and I still know who I will vote for.
54. Within this year, I never will stop with any momentum I have. - We're rolling rolling rolling.
55. I will to develop myself to my fullest capacity. - Developing.
56. I will to see the impossible become possible. - Possibly-ing.
57. I will inspire the impossible to become possible in others.
58. By, 19 June 2007—the anniversary of my hiring—I will have changed the direction of SUA-IT’s HelpDesk.
59. I want to be cognizant throughout the year 2007 of all my actions.
60. Wherever I am in the year 2007, I want to be at the forefront, the vanguard.
61. I want to challenge all the devils and demons, challenge my negative karma and negative decisions, past and present.
62. I want to find truth in everyone, respect it, and incorporate it in my life.
63. I want to enjoy the smallest and grandest moments in life.
64. I want to fill pages and pages with my grandmother’s story.
65. I will make the growth of the SGI-USA in Fort Collins happen, with my daimoku here, and the support of my friends with my voice.
66. I want to be a shining example for anyone in how to live their life.
67. I will home visit all the members in my chapter in January.
68. I will interact and get to know all the members in my chapter every month.
69. I will put $2400 into my retirement account in 2007. ($200 per month).
70. Every month, I will put $100 into my high-yield savings account.
71. By December 2007, I will find the graduate school I want to apply to.
72. By January 1 2008, I will have saved $1500 for a new car.

A breath, to muse upon the bsg and my life right now.

I am here. Hear me now! This is real. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing's going to stand in my way!

The wind is blowing all around me
But I'm still standing strong
My voice is getting louder and louder
And louder
So u can hear me sing my song

I am here. Hear me now! This is real. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing's going to stand in my way!

My life will never be the same
Because nothing's going to stand in my way

-Jennifer Paskow, "Unstoppable" (Finale)

Because I have a moment to breathe.

I love the SGI-USA. With appreciation for all the training I've had this past year, in 2007, I have to appreciate all my comrades-in-faith: my CIFs :P. They have more impact on me that even CEOs or CIOs or CFOs. My CIFs. Kansha first.

So, my week's been long, but oddly, I'm able to step back a bit and try to enjoy parts of my life--or actually not do BSG activites all weekend. Really September was just amazing in the amount of BSG activities I was involved in. I want others to really understand what the training of BSG is for--to really challenge the core of what you believe you are and what you are capable of. I think Sensei said that the BSG are the core of the YD and i'm beginning to understand what he means.

October is seemingly less 'continuous momentous challenge' as far as BSG is concerned--at least according to me. I'm going to be sending out an e-mail in a bit about the BSG--knowing that many of these guys want to see the performance at the festival next weekend, I actually really want to see the performance. Really, really, really. But, I know that at the heart of what it means to be in the Soka Gakkai is to do what Sensei would do is to support the members and guests at the event. To be BSG is to try and see, think, and act as Sensei would. Really, it's the foundation of the mentor-disciple spirit for many YMD and YWD.

Trivial thought of the blog: did you know that if you take one letter out of 'life' it becomes 'lie'?

My self-censored thought of the week: I don't have secrets, you just haven't asked.

My appreciative thought of the week: I am appreciative that we decided to move out of Laguna Summit when we did. Diana and I were protected in many aspects of our decision to move.

The melody in my brain goes a bit like ...

So, sanshoshima are attacking. And boy do they know where to attack.

There's pride, ego, and arrogance. And then there's my finances.

The previous apartment that I lived in charged my debit account with the regular monthly $1575 that I would've been charged, if I still lived there. I also cut a check for the new apartment's first month's rent of $595. Somewhere between rock-bottom on my checking account and even further in the red, I had a moment of clarity tonight while chanting--sansho shima knows where I am weakest very well.

I checked my account last night and to my astonishment there was negative balance in my account Actually like negative $780 in balance.

Apparently, I need to cancel that Automatic Debit.

Plus, I just saw that that rent check for the new place is about to go through. I'm headed to the office tomorrow to explain why it's not going to come through and see if I can't work something out. I'm also chanting so that I can talk with the right people tomorrow at Laguna Summit's corporate office. But i'm feeling less confident with them--looking up the information on R. W. Selby & Company on Google gives me less hope for a quick resolution. Western Property Management shows up with a better BBB score. Which looks better, on paper.

Sigh. Sansho shima, I hate you.

Lists on break

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Lunch bag assembler for firefighters (during the Summer of Fire in Colorado)
   
2. Car-washer
   
3. Courtesy Clerk
   
4. IT HelpDesk frontline technician
   

Four places I have lived:

1. Fort Collins, CO
2. Barcelona, Catalunya, Spain
   
3. Aliso Viejo, CA
4. Laguna Niguel, CA

Four TV shows I like to watch:

1. Ugly Betty
   
2. 
   
3. 
   
4. 
   

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Regensburg (DE-Germany)
   
2. Granada, Andalucia (ES-Spain)
3. Zushi-shi, Kanagawa-ken (JP-Japan)
4. Paso Robles, CA (USA)
   

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Samosas & Curry
   
2. Dim Sum (esp Chicken Feet)
   
3. Sushi
   
4. Pizze italiane
   

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Hiking
   
2. Dancing at a bar/club
3. Doing Soka Group
4. 
   

Four places I like to shop

1. H&M or Zara (difficult choice)
   
2. Target
3. Ikea
4. Urban Outfitters
   

....it's only mid-month!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's been such a long month already. I can't believe how much i've been doing related to bsg activities. diana agrees.

it's really been that long of a month.

I think i've been 'seeing' someone for almost 6 weeks now. this is weird.

as i have a moment to breathe

I'm relishing in the moment. I forgot how fast-paced the beginning of semester can be. People coming in and out, calls all the time, balancing between Dell and HCY. It's amazing that this pace can be sustained until the next summer.

Daily Tip: When you know you're getting older...(maturity?)

I'm listening to the "throw-back lunch" on Area 93 from home. I feel old. They're playing songs every once in a while that I remember as a kid listening to and singing along with. I feel older every time that happens.

time to think

It's been really nice to have time to think. I feel like i've been busy with activities, but at the same time, I'm being more and more consistent with my practice. The funk of summer 2007--the inconsistency from week to week in my practice, emotions, and all other aspects of life--seems to have receded. But, I'm realising more and more that it means that I have to work hard to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

I enjoyed dinner with Justin and Sachiko--who's spending the next few days at our apartment--we had Hiyashi ramen/chuka soba. It was good. Had pomegranate chocolate chip ice cream for dessert. Oishi! Very good.

Justin and I talked about the future of the chapter and set goals. it was nice to sit down and start planning out our thing. So far what I have down is that:
(1) Shakubuku, member care and guest care (soka care).
(2) Connect with non-student YMD members
(3) Daimoku--chanting daily and tosos weekly.

I think those are three solid areas to work on.

It's nice to really sit and think about what to do in your life--it puts things into perspective.

I received an e-mail forward from Daito a few days back as well--from Nathan G.--reporting a victory for kosen-rufu that members in SE Virginia created. I was thoroughly impressed. It spurred on my desire to help connect the guests that we've had in the past years in my district and chapter to the organization and strengthen that bond--the bond of members, the bond of mentor and disciple.

Living life patiently...confidence and patience.

j'ai fini

J'ai fini, c'est pas "je suis fini." Aunque pienso unos dias al final del dia laboral--he muerto.

Today was pretty good--at least as far as work is concerned--it was quite quiet. It's making me stir-crazy kind of. But all is good. Plans for Labor day weekend are coming together. I don't know about anything on the plans for Uyennie, but I hope those come together soon.

I would love to say g'bye to her, even if I don't see her often, it's more as if she's going to be leaving for a while and I won't be able to just call her up to go out and do something. Thus, I'm sad.

I'm realizing a lot of those people around me are leaving for other places--for their dreams. I'm happy that they're going. That also means, that there's now space for more local people in my life now too. Sad, but I now have to make more friends from around here, becoming more and more townie and not in the FoCo sense of 'townie.' (Beware! I may start making my hair look like something from DragonBall Zed, if I become too townie.)

sitting here at work on friday five minutes before i have to jet

i was thinking...

that the mountains here are beautiful, because I still get to see mountains. Though the montains aren't the same as on the Front Range and that usually you can't see them because the greenery they've installed here blocks the way and that you have smog that usually obscures the view. At least I have two whole peaks to look at, every once in a while.

Obviously, i'm starving for mountains.

It's amazing how much your life feels different when your practice is regular and when it's not. it's like building upon quicksand or building upon bedrock.

on one hand, it's nice to make jokes. on the other hand, wit can be a time-bomb which bites your ass when you least expect it.

things, things, things!

So, i haven't written in this for a long time.

A combination of doing a lot of things leading to an intense July and travelling back home for early August.

Lots going on, but not much movement. Some moments in the past 6~8 weeks have been pure bliss and utter tiredness. It feels like my life has grown in ways I can't explain yet, or may never be able to. At the sametime, I'm feeling like I'm losing grip on what I'm aiming for.

One thing that was inspiring to me--considering all the chatter that has been going on in the SGI about the Second Act of Global Kosen-Rufu--is what it means to have my own Second Act. I was reading the Human Revolution at home and one of the characters had a realisation about herself--that she complained alot to her leaders about members or fellow leaders. She made the determination to stop complaining about the people in her life. I want to make that a determination for the "Second Act" of my life as well.

I've turned 23 this year. It's an amazing time to be living in this world--for both good and bad. For the bad, we can turn on the television and see how bleak the picture is in our world. For the good, you turn to your friends and see the hope that they have for their own futures--even if they can't explain what they are.

Hmm...stuff to ponder...and write it out.

songs that have recently infected my dancing mind

michael gray - the weekend [again, lest we forget about barcelona's plethora of men dancing to this song]
michael gray ft steve edwards - somewhere beyond
bob sinclar ft steve edwards - world, hold on
bob sinclar - love generation

Amazing

"Therefore, it is no longer acceptable for anybody to compromise their dreams. It is no longer acceptable that you just accept suffering as your reality. You know, and sometimes, it's subtle. Sometimes, It's subtle. You know. It just seems like maybe things aren't changing. So we can easily fall pray to just buying that this the best that it's gonna it get. This new departure is a new departure for every single one of us. to wake up the faith of a brand new member inside of us. To look at the gohonzon with fresh new eyes of possibility, to really seak out our mentor. To study everything that he's writing right now trying to teach us the amazing power of our faith. to study the gosho. And I think it means also, that we will support each other in faith, support each other in terms of really being there and encouraging each other to never retreat, to never give in to any obstacle and to realize what president Ikeda said in March of this year, he said, "sincere earnest prayer is the quickest route to accomplishing anything." Prayer is the source of our strength, prayer is the source of our power. So it's really returning to prayer, not the strategy of our head first, the strategy of prayer first. and that when we really pray sincerely for, what do i need to do to change this problem. that wisdom is inside of us, it's always has been. but it needs that sort of sincere prayer." -Linda Johnson 2007.6.24. Amazing!

Two weeks later

All I can say is that I appreciate succinct-ness. The graduation was a success. The timing was great as far as the Behind-the-screens groups will think. The invited/keynote speaker was dry, but interesting, and also the students were awesome as B9 rocked the house. I was emotional and I'm feeling unable to process my feelings.

I'm sad to see all leave. I don't know how it will be that we all will meet again--and I guess that's where I leave most of my feelings.

To the class of 2007: you are forever in my hearts as a sexy, vibrant, and great class. I know some feel as if there were some problems unifying, but, from the outside, I think you guys understand each other on a deeper level and don't have to worry about the cliques. I am in awe of your collective intelligence. I wish you guys the best, I'm forever in support of you guys. I have learned so much from you all and I can only wish to repay a little bit of the much that I have taken from you.

It's difficult to say goodbye, for me the words never come out. Please know that you had an effect on me. I will always remember you and I will never give up on you.