happy 2000 and 10.

Well, it's almost that hour where we start counting down the last few moments of the year. And as I review the minutes and days that have passed in 2009. I can't help but start to appreciate all that has happened.  It's been a big year.  Things have happened throughout the world in the past 18 months that only happen once in a hundred years.  The next time some financial catastrophe like what's happened in 2008-2009, only a handful of us who are alive right now will be around.

Though it has been a catastrophic year for many people, and though many may continue to struggle with things throughout the world; it is, objectively, nothing new.  There will be other things that take our attention once the economies of the world start functioning at a higher level, perhaps, not in the same way as they were "before".

The decade that is about to pass was one that started with an act of violence, where very few died, but many suffered.  The way it ends at least in 2009 is one in which, very few have died directly because of the financial crisis, but many have suffered directly, and everyone has suffered indirectly.

It will never be as "before," but I have hope.  I don't know where this hope comes from: I surely haven't got all of the things that I want, the things that I think I need.  But, I appreciate those things I do have.  Health, Family, Love and Beauty, Work, and Mission.  Maybe, I'm happy and hopeful because I do have these things. :-)

Waxing poetic on this night of a full moon and cold weather.  Something may be composed later on tonight!

about creating...

About creating things, I've been consuming more so I can create more recently. And by that I don't mean I've been consuming food or anything, just knowledge and other sources of information.  I hope that I can do this when I return to Southern California as well.  I'm so much happier when I'm able to create and do and write.

I was reading something on from the OkCupid blog about Race vs. rate of message reply for same-sex data.  It was interesting to analyze and synthesize the data in the respective races.  It is also interesting to snythsize the data with the opposite-sex data as well.  All this comes out of a conversation I was following on RealJock's forums about the racial "hierarchy" of "hottness."  The OP's point was "hot is hot" no matter the race.  What ensued was something less about percieved attractiveness, more about how "preferences" are "just that" preferences.

Of course, in my mind, I don't see preferences as "just" preferences.  There's a reason why they exist and also there's a manner and method in which they were created.  Part of being a human is coming to the realization that one is imperfect and that there are areas for improvement.  This reminds me of the poem President Ikeda wrote to the members of Los Angeles:

As each group seeks their separate roots and origins, society fractures along a thousand fissure lines. When neighbors distance themselves from neighbors, continue your uncompromising quest for you truer roots in the deepest regions of your lives. Seek out the primordial "roots" of humankind. Then you will without fail discover the stately expanse of Jiyu unfolding n the depths of your life. Here is the home, the dwelling place to which humankind traces its original existence - beyond all borders, beyond all differences of gender and race. Here is a world offering true proof of our humanity.


If one reaches back to these fundamental roots, all become friends and comrades. To realize this is to "emerge from the earth."

4 more days until New Year's Day!

As security has been tightened across the country in response to the attempted attack on the Delta Airlines Flight above the skies of Detroit, I wonder about the state of the US infrastructure. I understand that newer and larger airports like DIA or even ATL are better equipped to change their internal infrastructure around for security screening; however, it makes me wonder about airports like LAX or even somewhere like JWA/SNA. Would they physically have enough space to create the screening areas needed to ensure higher levels of passenger and aircraft security. Final thought: what a crazy world we live in.

As the day before yesterday was Christmas and I've been with the fam fam the past few days, it has dawned on me how much things change and stay the same. As cliched as it is, people and things around here change slowly. It may not be like LA and Southern California with it's faster-paced lifestyle, but at the same time, people don't just change in an instant, they change slowly, incrementally, sometimes quicker over a few months than others, but incrementally. It's only the time between when you see them that you notice the differences. I.e. I got called fat at home again. Lol. Welcome home!

Played a good game of Spades with the full set of rules, almost. Mayhaps, I should get another Spades group going back in SoCal.

more creation less consumption

so one thing i was thinking while i was getting my laundry done while packing today...i want to consume less and produce more. that's just i think my crux right now. I feel like all i'm doing is consuming consuming but not really creating anything.

:-) so here's to more creating in 2010.

"Retweet" - let's see where I've been since then.

1.1.07

My manifesto

Goals for Year 2007

1. I want to have a victory every day; 365 victories for 365 days.
2. On my birthday, I want to have a 32” waist (Levi size).
3. Every week, I want to share this Buddhism with someone new every week.
6. I want to read all of the Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Vol 1 & 2
7. I want to read all of the volumes of the Human Revolution and the New Human Revolution.
8. I desire to be the wisest person in all of the land.
11. I want to be someone who Ikeda Sensei can depend on after he dies.
12. I want to support the growth of Soka University.
18. In the summer, I want to travel to Cambodia and India.
19. I want to lay the foundation for my post-graduate schooling.
20. I want to have a long term relationship.
21. I want to respond to my mentor daily.
22. I want to challenge myself to do 1 million daimoku by 27 May 2007: Class of 2007’s graduation day.
24. I want to feel compassion for everyone.
28. I want to visit with my friends in Barcelona within 18 months.
29. I want to meet the man of my life in the next year.
30. I want to develop faith like water.
32. In all aspects of my life, I will advance and have daily victories.
33. By 31 March 2007, I will slash my credit card debt to $0.
34. I will chant 3 million daimoku in the year 2007.
35. At the end of the year, I will have 8~10% body fat. *(around 170lbs)
36. By December, I will report to Ikeda Sensei that I completed all my goals for the year.
41. I will strengthen myself to have the energy, time, and strength to do all above.
46. I will see things as they are.
50. I will determine to read all of the Living Buddhisms and World Tribunes from cover to cover, the week and day I receive them.
53. I will challenge political growth, this year.
55. I will to develop myself to my fullest capacity.
56. I will to see the impossible become possible.
57. I will inspire the impossible to become possible in others.
59. I want to be cognizant throughout the year 2007 of all my actions.
60. Wherever I am in the year 2007, I want to be at the forefront, the vanguard.
61. I want to challenge all the devils and demons, challenge my negative karma and negative decisions, past and present.
62. I want to find truth in everyone, respect it, and incorporate it in my life.
63. I want to enjoy the smallest and grandest moments in life.
67. I will home visit all the members in my chapter in January.
68. I will interact and get to know all the members in my chapter every month.
69. I will put $2400 into my retirement account in 2007. ($200 per month).
70. Every month, I will put $100 into my high-yield savings account.
71. By December 2007, I will find the graduate school I want to apply to.

determination + 4 days = GLEE!

i have a growing addiction to Glee, which is confounded by the growing idocy of Fox for suspending the show until APRIL!

argh.

i will wait.

because i love you will schuester and emma.

and the quinn baby papa drama and rachel and finn and puck drama is that good too.

le sigh.

so after a hiatus

i guess i shall be blogging again. jessica hit me hard when she said it's been longer than 6 months since i last posted. there shall be some renovations coming and maybe a move to a different site in the future. but i shall start writing again. :-D

Day 2: Headache

Kevin woke up right as he was to turn around in his dream. He was confused and unsure what was going on; his BlackBerry was ringing. The alarm clock read 5:46am. He was sure it was Alex in his dream. It reminded him of the first time they met in the coffee shop down the street from his Kevin's parents' house.

Alex pressed to pick-up his phone, "Hello?"
"Hello."
"Uhh, yes, who is this?"
"Hi, this is Roberta from Doctor Cranor's office. I'm sorry to call you this early in the morning, but it's urgent."

Kevin sat up. Doctor Cranor is his family's doctor and also Alex's father.

"Yes. What's going on?"
"Well, as you know, Doctor Cranor is your family's physician, and, in your recent move out to California, we've been sending out files to your new physician there."
"Yes?" Kevin said, sure that whomoever it was on the other end of the phone could tell that he was not sure of why they were calling him at this time of the morning to talk about files.
"...and while preparing our files to send to your new physician, it seems like there's been a couple oversights in the care of some of your acute sicknesses."
"Umm...okay. So, what do you mean?" Kevin responded slightly irritated that it sounded like a billing inquiry at a quarter to six in the morning on a Monday of all days.

"So, usually you've been getting tested for HIV here at our office the past few years, once every 6 months or so."
"Right...," unsure of where this was leading.
"Kevin, I would suggest that you get tested again."
"Huh?" unsure of himself, he felt the world start to spin. "What do you mean?"
"What I mean, is that we've had results come back the past two times you got tested that were positives, but noted that you should get a more precise test. The testing equipment we have in this complex is older and not really accurate."
"What? But, Alex was there to tell me that the results were negative."
"Yeah, I was looking over the records and it says that you never came in and it looks like nobody followed up, since you usually just come to the office for these tests."

At that moment, Kevin felt his stomach surging and gurgling while the room dove into a fatal spin.

"Okay, Roberta. You're the cheery lady that always sits up front when I come in right?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you for the information, but I'm feeling a bit sick to the stomach right now."
"Are you going to be all right?"
"Yeah, I should be, but I'm going to try and find a trash can or something."
"Okay."
"I'll go and schedule an appointment with my new doctor in an hour or so."
"Sounds good. I'm praying that your results clear you of any questions."

At the moment that Kevin ended the call, he threw up. And it wasn't one of those regurgitations that made you feel any better. It was worse than when Kevin downed a bottle and a half of tequila when he turned 21. There was nothing in his stomach and he hadn't eaten much the day before. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do next. Call in sick for work, call the doctor, call Alex, or call his mom and dad. One sure thing was that he couldn't believe what Alex had done and he was furious and depressed.

Dreams: Hikaru

I put the box of japanese ice cream into the fridge and closed the door and jaunted out into the living room. Once there, I flipped on the telelvision and then Hikki was on the television, I thought that it's nice that in the US we now have Japanese music on. David and Eric come home. This obviously is not our house or my apartment, it's definitely a hell of a lot nicer; really, it's beautiful as balls. I continue to watch while everyone else is doing their thing. I hear people in the kitchen and go to talk. To my surprise, there's Hikki in a showgirls' outfit.

(It just made me laugh, when I woke up.)

Day 1: Steaming Coffee

As kevin sat down with his cup of coffee, the weight of the day became apparent to him: his shoulders ached, the balls of his feet were suddenly tender, and he wished he had his bottle of eye drops handy to relieve the deserts of his eyes. The hubbub of the coffee shop had quickly quieted down on his entrance and he started to worry about where he had just entered.
Growing up in a small college tow in the Rockies had given Kevin a sense of adventure, but left him incapable of seeing how different his family could be to the rest of his friends'. As he took his first sip of coffee and the weight of the day started to dissolve in the big black hot tub of his double shot foglifter, he suddenly felt isolated, cold and distant. The other people around him started to haze away to the thoughts of the home he just left--his loving, though crazy mother, his ever-going grandmother, and stoic, but funny father, even his ex-boyfriend the love of his life--Alex.
The canvas of Kevin's mind was painted with Alex's strokes. Kevin felt such an affinity for Alex the moment he met him and they had lived the past three years of their lives to the fullest, enjoying the most they could of each other and love.
And even with the best years of their lives behind them, Alex and Kevin weren't able to move together and start a new life in California. Alex decided to stay and Kevin wanted to go. At that moment as Kevin was reminscing on his life, he felt the heat of the stare of someone on his neck.

alert!

Diana just told me...that she's going to colorado to clean her shorts.

comments anybody? how do I respond?

she's going to kill me for this.

aaaah!

Good morning!
Good morning!

So, news to report, I'm going to Switzerland in September. A friend bought me a ticket--thank you friend!, and Hil is going to visit Zoe and her host family. I'm so stoked about this trip!

responsibility

i am responsible for my life, and that would be something that I can't run away from.

this next month is going to be one of the toughest in my life. I won't go into details because I don't really want to share, but if I make it out of this month skinnier, I figure it'll be because I needed to lose the weight.

I'm glad that I've chanted enough right now to know that I have my life, I have the gohonzon, and I'm still able to chant to it and that's really all that I need to be happy.

It's time for me to change something in my life--something with my karma. I don't want to not face it anymore. Strength lies in not giving up. Courage lies in taking that first action. I am going to courage it up and strengthen that determination.

tia juana's / lucky (sunday)

just got back from lucky at tia juana's.

i feel good, satisfied really.

i had a good time with tinki, juju, derek, ken and renee. it was nee's first experience at a gay bar and well probably ken's first experience at a drag show. i even got a dance with him. haha.

i had a good time really, it's been a while since i've been able to enjoy myself in that way. it's been way too long. :D

Anyways, facebook picture posts to come and all, but, just wanted to end the night with a positive note.

Encouragement from the ToMyFriends Yahoo Group/List

"...you must never think that you are privileged in any way. People who
succumb to that delusion always end up regressing in life and in faith.

"Instead of concerning yourselves with becoming successful or important, I
hope you will strive your hardest behind the scenes and continue to exert
yourselves fully for kosen-rufu. If you polish your abilities, you'll
naturally come to shine. Mr. Toda did not ask us to become professional
clergy. Rather, he called on youth to become leaders who are dedicated to
working for the benefit of society. By that, he meant that we should become
leading figures in various fields and not restrict ourselves to the realm of
religion. The spirit of Buddhism is not narrow or restrictive; its aim is to
establish peace and happiness for all humankind."

SGI Newsletter No. 7568, The New Human Revolution--Vol. 21: Chap. 3,
Resonance 8, translated June 13th, 2008