I think I'm goin crazy.

I'm not going crazy in the normal way of going crazy. i'm thouroughly enjoying life. Yet, something seems missing. I'm envious of those who have someone to share life with. I just talked a bit with Emily. She said that with her boyfriend, she doesn't ever have to live up to a standard. That's what I feel like I've been doing with my dates--I'm living up to a standard, maybe not theirs, but mine. I've never felt really comfortable with them--at least not as comfortable as I expected I would be. Perhaps it's because I've never been in to them...maybe.

Who am i most comfortable around? My brothers, more so than my friends sometimes. But that's kinda expected I guess. My friends are there--maybe they'll be there 10 years down the road--50 years even. Brothers though, I never really expect will ever be out of my life. that's not to say I haven't made life-long friends here at SUA, I have, but the bond with brothers seems so strong.

So, I guess what does that mean for those that I want to date? Am I truly comfortable around them? No. I guess they bring up my insecurities, the 'quirks' about myself seem to come up when I get a crush. I know that I go crazy when I'm in crush. Perhaps it's because i am still always 'looking' for mr. right. I think I put all of my expectations for my future into one person, perhaps it's not right to do that. That's how I work--yet I imagine that I shouldn't focus on what's not going to last, and focus on that which will last.

I'm listening to "Con te partiro" right now, wow~! What song!

Life I guess is a bit difficult. My life right now, though it may be tough, is something that is worth living. Do I truly believe that? Am I just saying it to be bettering my mind? I don't know what I do sometimes. It bothers me that I don't always know what I'm thinking, or morespecifically why I'm thinking that. Tiziano Ferro is hot! So are the swimmer boys. Hehe. I wonder what the think-tank girls are thinking right now? Swimmer boys, what would they think if they knew that there's guys eying them all the time...tony and I >;).

I'm tired. I should get h20, but I'm so tired that I don't even want to go downstairs. I want to sleep. In the last three months, I've met 3 brians. Only one has been a crushed-upon, but I thought that it was a funny factoid. Left that crush for now. (pat on the back). things with the previous crush are going okay. I think life paths are slowly departing. La meva sortida es a <<<>>>. I don't think there's any odd feelings.

Lost is the best show in the world--at least right now. Bjork is awesome. I heart her. Not really 'heart' heart her. I want to be caressed, touched, kissed, and loved. Someone who can do all that and wants to get to know me, yay, i'd love that ;). Sadly, my life feels as if there's a large pop influence in it. I want to leave the pop influence behind and go for more experimental stuff.

Finland Again Ranks First Among Global Competitors - New York Times

Finland Again Ranks First Among Global Competitors - New York Times: "'High labor market rigidities, and, in particular, the ease of hiring and firing, contribute to explaining why Europe lags behind U.S. performance,' Beatrice Weder di Mauro, an economics professor at Mainz University, wrote in a paper for the forum." If that isn't a sign of cultural globalization--I don't know what is.

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | House leader and Bush ally indicted on fundraising conspiracy charge

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | House leader and Bush ally indicted on fundraising conspiracy charge: "George Bush suffered a significant blow to his already problematic second presidential term when a key Republican, Tom DeLay, majority leader in the House of Representatives, was indicted by a grand jury. "

We live amongst people, yet we die alone.

I really think I need to understand the sufferings of birth, old age, sickness and death. I want to know what it means to be alive. I am floating in my own ignorance. I'd like to find out what it means to live. I want to find what it means to love and be loved back. I want my love to be returned--thought it's only a requirement for partners and boyfriends and the like.

What do I want to find in a boyfriend, in a lover, in a partner?
-He has to be able to listen?
-He's gotta be willing to compromise?
-He has to laugh at my jokes--even if they are laughs of 'how stupid?'
-He's attractive.
-He's motivated.
-He likes sports--any of them.
-He is true to himself as well as true to others.
-He loves the outdoors as much as he loves the indoors.
-A movie is as appealing as a concert which is as appealing as the beach which is as appealing as the trails. Just some thoughts.
-If he spoke spanish, chinese, japanese, french, german, russian, arabic, italian, or hindi it'd be really nice.
-If he spoke them all, that'd be heaven. ;).

New music

Here's some new music that's got my attention:
-Amerie/One thing
-rob thomas/this is how a heart breaks
-anna nalick/breath (2am)
-howie day/collide
-josh kelley/only you
-kelly clarkson/ all of her stuff...though like I said, that cd should be called "fuck you!"
-shakira y alejandro sanz/la tortura
-el canto del loco/zapatillas
-green day/the whole cd
-juanes/"mi sangre"--the whole cd

Here I am, once again...

Not "torn into pieces," but in the IT Lab. Whoa, it's different to be here once again after such a long time.

I don't know what to think about Katrina. A million homeless people. The inefficiencies of the Federal government. There is a feeling that there is something wrong, yet no one can really find where the source lies. I think perhaps it lies within us. In the New York Times, I saw an article that compared the emergency management protocols of Virginia and New Orleans/Louisiana. What seemed most important to me was that in the case of Virginia, though they maybe forceful, the thought is thinking about the safety of those who are in harm's way. Not just those who can leave or those who have the ability to leave. There's busses that are set-up to run people out of neighborhoods--those who don't have cars or aren't physically capable of leaving danger areas; as well as having a list of people who don't own cars. It's even a 'republican' area! Heart-less, no.

What bothers me though, is that we've know that these areas are where there is mass poverty. Where they live is mass, minority poverty too.

From 9News.com

: "Detractors have said she is demoralizing the troops and using her son's death to push a liberal platform. " Umm, you know what, I thought that what really mattered was that war is something that should be treated with respect. When, war was one of the aims of the current administration, from the get-go, and if the current administration preaches that it is a conservative government, than i say it's something that I'd be happy with. I don't want to have a president who doesn't know how to react to disasters, to care for citizens of the country, and who seeks war with others. Yay~! Nathan just stopped by. Whoa~! So much conversation:). I miss 05ers!

I watch the news and feel numb-er

What's going on in New Orleans is horrendous. I really don't think that there was enough thought that went into getting the poor out of the city after the hurricane. Mayor! Why move from the city? Do you not want to be close to the citizens whom you're trying to get out? Do you act as a capitain who'll go down with his ship? Until everyone gets out before you do? Governor? How can you help the citizens of your state to get to safe, clean conditions?

The Secty. of Homeland Security is talking right now on the news about restoring 'law and order' to the affected areas in N.O. but right now it's honestly not just restoring law and order but what you have to do is start getting supplies and medical aid into N.O. Both have to happen, not just creating 'law and order'. Now is the time that people have to take action.

More than anything else, my prayers are there in New Orleans, in Mississippi and in Alabama.