31.3.07

813.the moon

I saw the moon for the first time in a while a couple days back. I never realised how much the moon is brighter when it's out as the sun is setting. The sheer whiteness of the moon's surface stood out in the dusky blue sky. It was a sight I won't forget.

I love it when you are just in the moment--wherever it maybe: walking down a path, respiring deeply, alone, with someone, or whatever, but just in that moment.
29.3.07

musically. 301.

the days are now to the point where I'm sick. Ugh.

Sore throat, mild fever, sinuses working funky, and then the dull aches everywhere.

I'm glad I'm young.

It doesn't hurt me that much to work through this, but I'm off to bed now, so that's still a sign I'm not totally recovering yet.

=S

food for thought

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-kramer20mar20,0,1705133.story?coll=la-opinion-rightrail

Why do straights hate gays?

An 72-year-old gay activist isn't hopeful about the future.
By Larry Kramer
LARRY KRAMER is the founder of the protest group ACT UP and the author of "The Tragedy of Today's Gays."

March 20, 2007

DEAR STRAIGHT PEOPLE,

Why do you hate gay people so much?

Gays are hated. Prove me wrong. Your top general just called us immoral. Marine Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs, is in charge of an estimated 65,000 gay and lesbian troops, some fighting for our country in Iraq. A right-wing political commentator, Ann Coulter, gets away with calling a straight presidential candidate a faggot. Even Garrison Keillor, of all people, is making really tacky jokes about gay parents in his column. This, I guess, does not qualify as hate except that it is so distasteful and dumb, often a first step on the way to hate. Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama tried to duck the questions that Pace's bigotry raised, confirming what gay people know: that there is not one candidate running for public office anywhere who dares to come right out, unequivocally, and say decent, supportive things about us.

Gays should not vote for any of them. There is not a candidate or major public figure who would not sell gays down the river. We have seen this time after time, even from supposedly progressive politicians such as President Clinton with his "don't ask, don't tell" policy on gays in the military and his support of the hideous Defense of Marriage Act. Of course, it's possible that being shunned by gays will make politicians more popular, but at least we will have our self-respect. To vote for them is to collude with them in their utter disdain for us.

Don't any of you wonder why heterosexuals treat gays so brutally year after year after year, as your people take away our manhood, our womanhood, our personhood? Why, even as we die you don't leave us alone. What we can leave our surviving lovers is taxed far more punitively than what you leave your (legal) surviving spouses. Why do you do this? My lover will be unable to afford to live in the house we have made for each other over our lifetime together. This does not happen to you. Taxation without representation is what led to the Revolutionary War. Gay people have paid all the taxes you have. But you have equality, and we don't.

And there's no sign that this situation will change anytime soon. President Bush will leave a legacy of hate for us that will take many decades to cleanse. He has packed virtually every court and every civil service position in the land with people who don't like us. So, even with the most tolerant of new presidents, gays will be unable to break free from this yoke of hate. Courts rule against gays with hateful regularity. And of course the Supreme Court is not going to give us our equality, and in the end, it is from the Supreme Court that such equality must come. If all of this is not hate, I do not know what hate is.

Our feeble gay movement confines most of its demands to marriage. But political candidates are not talking about — and we are not demanding that they talk about — equality. My lover and I don't want to get married just yet, but we sure want to be equal.

You must know that gays get beaten up all the time, all over the world. If someone beats you up because of who you are — your race or ethnic origin — that is considered a hate crime. But in most states, gays are not included in hate crime measures, and Congress has refused to include us in a federal act.

Homosexuality is a punishable crime in a zillion countries, as is any activism on behalf of it. Punishable means prison. Punishable means death. The U.S. government refused our requests that it protest after gay teenagers were hanged in Iran, but it protests many other foreign cruelties. Who cares if a faggot dies? Parts of the Episcopal Church in the U.S. are joining with the Nigerian archbishop, who believes gays should be put in prison. Episcopalians! Whoever thought we'd have to worry about Episcopalians?

Well, whoever thought we'd have to worry about Florida? A young gay man was just killed in Florida because of his sexual orientation. I get reports of gays slain in our country every week. Few of them make news. Fewer are prosecuted. Do you consider it acceptable that 20,000 Christian youths make an annual pilgrimage to San Francisco to pray for gay souls? This is not free speech. This is another version of hate. It is all one world of gay-hate. It always was.

Gays do not realize that the more we become visible, the more we come out of the closet, the more we are hated. Don't those of you straights who claim not to hate us have a responsibility to denounce the hate? Why is it socially acceptable to joke about "girlie men" or to discriminate against us legally with "constitutional" amendments banning gay marriage? Because we cannot marry, we can pass on only a fraction of our estates, we do not have equal parenting rights and we cannot live with a foreigner we love who does not have government permission to stay in this country. These are the equal protections that the Bill of Rights proclaims for all?

Why do you hate us so much that you will not permit us to legally love? I am almost 72, and I have been hated all my life, and I don't see much change coming.

I think your hate is evil.

What do we do to you that is so awful? Why do you feel compelled to come after us with such frightful energy? Does this somehow make you feel safer and legitimate? What possible harm comes to you if we marry, or are taxed just like you, or are protected from assault by laws that say it is morally wrong to assault people out of hatred? The reasons always offered are religious ones, but certainly they are not based on the love all religions proclaim.

And even if your objections to gays are religious, why do you have to legislate them so hatefully? Make no mistake: Forbidding gay people to love or marry is based on hate, pure and simple.

You may say you don't hate us, but the people you vote for do, so what's the difference? Our own country's democratic process declares us to be unequal. Which means, in a democracy, that our enemy is you. You treat us like crumbs. You hate us. And sadly, we let you.
18.3.07

Musically. 300.

This weekend has been one of the most 'recovering' weekends that I've had in a while.

Yesterday, went out for drinks in honor of Saint Patrick and then to the Boom for a relatively enjoyable time. I'm glad that I went out. It's something that I've neglected to do in a while; tested my drink tolerance. Best 'drunk' drink ever..."Adiós Motherfucker." I wish I could've been drunker though. That was not enough alcohol. I'm glad to have the genetics I have, though the "dark, mysterious, rebelious" side in me wants to test how drunk I can get, just so that my tongue can be loose enough to say the words I'd like exactly to say. Hmm....how drunk is that? Cuz, last time I tried that, I passed out before that happened.

Went and saw Babel yesterday as well. It was a bit too much of a movie for me to try after going to the pool, I think. The arching question that the movie's, obviously--just look at the title, trying to tackle is the inability to communicate. I tried to understand what Iñaritú was attempting to tackle, but I didn't really get it. Perhaps, that´s the point of the film. I don't know if that's what Inaritu was going for; I doubt it, because that's not really seemingly the type of thing that he would do. So, I figure that I'm just not able to understand what he was trying to weave together when I saw it yesterday.

The pool was nice, I now have the beginnings of a Speedo tan, gotta get a smaller speedo by the way.

Before that I went to do a Soka group shift in the morning for the March 16th celebration. I'm realizing that I need training--like the kind offered in S-group--in my life. Inaction breeds problems, especially when you notice but do nothing to help the situation. Confidence: "Please, let me help you." Instead of "can I help you?"

Today, went to watch 300. So far, I loved the promotions for the movie--they're absolutely hot. In addition, the story of Sparta's 300 men at Thermopylae is unbelieveable, and the story is so well woven, I couldn't help but be in visual awe of the movie. Derek was disappointed, the girls--Utsumi and Tinki--seemed to be in 'meh'. This story is world famous and to me, it seemed to be at times relatable to another movie I enjoy--Hero (YingXiong) the HK version with Jet Li. The destiny of a nation (a country, a people) could be decided by one.

Awesome.

Jumping around.

7.3.07

singing in the rain

I live, singing in the rain. well, I live, singing in my head.

The tune that goes "bop badda doo dah ba-shoop bam doo." and "Bitch, please (snap snap snap) I'm from colorado." and "To the rescue. Here I am. I'm a rainbow too."

Tiredness abounds. Sleeping 6 hours tonight, 5 yesterday, a few the day before.

I need to sleep more. But 6 is enuf.
6.3.07

depth of tiredness

Yesterday I slept 15 hours straight. Went to bed at 5ish yesterday and woke up at around 7am. Wow!

today, i'm posting a blog at 1:30, and I need to wake up at around 6. Let's say "yay!"
1.3.07

11:34PM

There's a lot going on at work. Nothing to complain about. I have more responsibility and I'm handling things with more grace than I would've thought possible 6 months ago. I'm putting forth my best foot right now.

In my SGI activities, I'm really setting myself up to be challenged and to challenge myself.

In my personal life, I feel the desire to have victory, but I'm not doubt-free after I stop chanting. I'm strengthening my resolve to have victory with my ex and with another person whom I really like but cannot let go. I'm hoping beyond hope right now to not only find the person who will help me grow right now, but also to grow as I do so. I'm realizing more and more I'm exactly where I need to be in so many things--I cannot be happier in that respect, because if I weren't where I am now, it would mean I haven't gotten this far yet.

Looking at the brighter side of life and now I'm reaching to do more than just digest what I see, feel, hear, and sense, but to comprehend it--to have comprehension.

March 16th is around the corner. i hope to have a victory this year in terms of introducing friends to this faith. I want to become a shakubuku king (or even a queen!).

開始の時です!

It is time to start something!

I'm trying to create something here. Something that means a lot to me and also means a lot to other people. Something that creates it's own creation. Something that will flow forever and will not only grow, but flourish. I want to train myself to become the most capable person I can be. I will become the most capable person I can be. I will chant for the happiness of my members. I will live the life of a disciple, a true disciple. What I want to create is not yet taking shape--but it has a name kosen-rufu amerikanus. American kosen-rufu, we only have a vague idea of what it is. but we know it exists somewhere out there. I'm a researcher on the hunt for it. I only see its footprints, but I'm on its trail and I know that I am closer day-by-day.