I think I'm goin crazy.

I'm not going crazy in the normal way of going crazy. i'm thouroughly enjoying life. Yet, something seems missing. I'm envious of those who have someone to share life with. I just talked a bit with Emily. She said that with her boyfriend, she doesn't ever have to live up to a standard. That's what I feel like I've been doing with my dates--I'm living up to a standard, maybe not theirs, but mine. I've never felt really comfortable with them--at least not as comfortable as I expected I would be. Perhaps it's because I've never been in to them...maybe.

Who am i most comfortable around? My brothers, more so than my friends sometimes. But that's kinda expected I guess. My friends are there--maybe they'll be there 10 years down the road--50 years even. Brothers though, I never really expect will ever be out of my life. that's not to say I haven't made life-long friends here at SUA, I have, but the bond with brothers seems so strong.

So, I guess what does that mean for those that I want to date? Am I truly comfortable around them? No. I guess they bring up my insecurities, the 'quirks' about myself seem to come up when I get a crush. I know that I go crazy when I'm in crush. Perhaps it's because i am still always 'looking' for mr. right. I think I put all of my expectations for my future into one person, perhaps it's not right to do that. That's how I work--yet I imagine that I shouldn't focus on what's not going to last, and focus on that which will last.

I'm listening to "Con te partiro" right now, wow~! What song!

Life I guess is a bit difficult. My life right now, though it may be tough, is something that is worth living. Do I truly believe that? Am I just saying it to be bettering my mind? I don't know what I do sometimes. It bothers me that I don't always know what I'm thinking, or morespecifically why I'm thinking that. Tiziano Ferro is hot! So are the swimmer boys. Hehe. I wonder what the think-tank girls are thinking right now? Swimmer boys, what would they think if they knew that there's guys eying them all the time...tony and I >;).

I'm tired. I should get h20, but I'm so tired that I don't even want to go downstairs. I want to sleep. In the last three months, I've met 3 brians. Only one has been a crushed-upon, but I thought that it was a funny factoid. Left that crush for now. (pat on the back). things with the previous crush are going okay. I think life paths are slowly departing. La meva sortida es a <<<>>>. I don't think there's any odd feelings.

Lost is the best show in the world--at least right now. Bjork is awesome. I heart her. Not really 'heart' heart her. I want to be caressed, touched, kissed, and loved. Someone who can do all that and wants to get to know me, yay, i'd love that ;). Sadly, my life feels as if there's a large pop influence in it. I want to leave the pop influence behind and go for more experimental stuff.