Doing your prayers can be hazardous to your ego.
I realized, or should I say, I deeply realized how much I label myself and others.
I mean, it's okay to discriminate between things that are good and bad to you. It's okay to show the difference; however, to let it limit you from doing certain things is something that shouldn't happen.
Tonight, I saw someone whom I haven't seen in a long time.
This was a guy that I knew okay, from my childhood. We grew up in the SGI together as the crying babies in the back of the Culture Center during all meetings. Either that or rugrats. I mean my family and I have even visited their house after they moved from Colorado. However, I was too afraid of going up to him and just to say "Hi, how are you? You're Eddie, right?"
Why? The most important question to ask.
Why was I so afraid. Because of who he is. He's quite the hunk. Football player, and I heard that he was real good too. I'm intimidated by those kind of people usually. I even know that he's not the typical football player too, more caring, or so I remember the last time I went to TX.
Same thing with a lot of people. Some people I know I just don't like. However, I know that I could at least be friendly towards them and be a lot nicer. But I'm not. I don't even extend the courtesy to a lot of people of saying "Hi, (insert person's name here), How are ya?" I truly do want to know how they are feeling and if they are okay. I just won't let myself do it because _they_ are on the "other side". (E.g. certain people, DaWit, PaNo, MiKe, AnCo, DaMe, AmNe, etc.) I feel like I am discriminating against 'straight' folk alot. I don't have a single straight male friend here, well one person and that's because he's a critical thinker. Other males, I do have acquaintance with them and may even enjoy their company, but wouldn't call them a deep friend like I would the Girls.
However, I draw lines in the sand all around me. I cannot associate with a person on the other side of the line. I felt when I was doing gongyo that my world was so small and that I limit whom I can talk with and what I can do with people, that I felt sad for myself.
However, this is not the way I want to live my life. I can change this. I can break down the walls I create myself. And I'm the only one who can do it. It'll help if others are as willing to break down walls I have helped create, but it takes two to tango. I won't worry. I will change. I can do it now. I will continue to change myself, today, tomorrow, and the day after. I will become a better person. I won't stop until my life shines brighter than the sun, the moon, and the stars combined. I must, because to not do so, is to fall backwards into depression, lazyness, and comfortability.
I will change because I must.
Don't call me sweetie...
9 years ago
