the BIG flag...
Don't call me sweetie...
9 years ago
25.7.04
The city, a skyline, and you know...that row of houses that we all think is the one that the Full House family lived in.
So, I'm back from San Fran
I love the city of San Francisco! (See photos below...)
Just in case you aren't involved in my life, in person...I just went on a trip to San Francisco.
I love the city. I think it's the only place I've visited where I felt right at home as soon as I arrived. I don't think it's just "falling in love with the city," but something more like, the city fits you. The Chinese everywhere, walking 7.5 hours the first night, eating a different type of food every meal, and being able to go anywhere in the city without a car, it was all so nice.
It was even nice being able to check out a guy and to have the guy check me out back, and not only that, a lot of the guys there were good looking, fit, and well-dressed. It's not just because it's the gayest city in the U.S., but as well, it is probably the character of SF.
SF is like the NY of the West Coast.
I think that I'll need to add more later 'cuz I'm really tired, and need to wake early tomorrow morning.
But, let's just say I'm satisfied with having made the trip up to the Bay Area. I will make it up there more often.
Just in case you aren't involved in my life, in person...I just went on a trip to San Francisco.
I love the city. I think it's the only place I've visited where I felt right at home as soon as I arrived. I don't think it's just "falling in love with the city," but something more like, the city fits you. The Chinese everywhere, walking 7.5 hours the first night, eating a different type of food every meal, and being able to go anywhere in the city without a car, it was all so nice.
It was even nice being able to check out a guy and to have the guy check me out back, and not only that, a lot of the guys there were good looking, fit, and well-dressed. It's not just because it's the gayest city in the U.S., but as well, it is probably the character of SF.
SF is like the NY of the West Coast.
I think that I'll need to add more later 'cuz I'm really tired, and need to wake early tomorrow morning.
But, let's just say I'm satisfied with having made the trip up to the Bay Area. I will make it up there more often.
21.7.04
Let's wiki...
This blog shall be in the form of a wikipedia entry. This is where relevant (linked) information will be...umm...linked in-line with the posts.
It may be hard to read at first, but it makes more sense, and to me seems like i'm doing something more drastic with this blog.
Ok, so what has been going on in my life? I could definitely say work, a bit of play, a lot of activities, a bit of homesickness, and some relaxing too.
It may be hard to read at first, but it makes more sense, and to me seems like i'm doing something more drastic with this blog.
Ok, so what has been going on in my life? I could definitely say work, a bit of play, a lot of activities, a bit of homesickness, and some relaxing too.
20.7.04
hmm...a day of goodness...
SF is on the soon....
Tipping a little velvet with Caisy.
SF is on the soon...with a stop at Bishop.
Fires, hmm I wonder. I hope the 14 isn't closed.
Blog, overly poetic it's trying to be.
Hmm...i wonder about myself a bit.
"Hey dude, guess what happened this weekend! I got full !"
God, packing is a biotch, even if it is just for about 4 days!
Hmm...chant; must chanT!
Tipping a little velvet with Caisy.
SF is on the soon...with a stop at Bishop.
Fires, hmm I wonder. I hope the 14 isn't closed.
Blog, overly poetic it's trying to be.
Hmm...i wonder about myself a bit.
"Hey dude, guess what happened this weekend! I got full !"
God, packing is a biotch, even if it is just for about 4 days!
Hmm...chant; must chanT!
19.7.04
Blogger keeps on changing!
Kinda annoying eh?
But, sorry to all, I haven't blogged in a while.
I had good food tonight, but I'm low on cash...until i get to SF.
Shit! Cash!
Brakes getting changed in the morning.
Daily life may be mundane, but it's very very very very very very important.
But, sorry to all, I haven't blogged in a while.
I had good food tonight, but I'm low on cash...until i get to SF.
Shit! Cash!
Brakes getting changed in the morning.
Daily life may be mundane, but it's very very very very very very important.
12.7.04
The pace of your gongyo dictates the pace of your life
So does what you do with your time at work. So, today at work, umm...ugh.
I get to see the lazy-ass ugly side of myself. I'm not happpy with myself, i know I'm a better person than this. I know that I've got to be the one that's changing my situation. Only me. A friend indeed will help.
Something about suburban straight white young males angers me. But my emotions are my own, it's not the white male's fault, it's my reaction. What is it? Have I been brainwashed to feel that all white males are evil, no matter how good looking they may be? Have I fallen into the trap that they are "the man" and that whatever shit that happens in my life is due to "the man"? I may just have. It's sad that they maybe the most discriminated group in our society. They have the anger of all women, of all minorities, of all queers, of most "adults," and of most of the lower class directed towards them. Hmm...that and add the pressures of parents and of the suburban lifestyle.
Yet they still do have so much advantage over anyone who doesn't fill out their same description.
Why?
I must push myself somehow to see what is at the root of this cause. Is it because they have what I want? Therefore see them as competition.
I'm competetive, btw. Starting to realize that it's one of the things that drives me, but i'm only competetive in the weirdest of things.
Because it's the summer, I've had the best chance to push myself in SGI activites. Nothing crazy, mind you, but still, I've been studying (self-motivated) more than ever, and I can start to feel the rewards of it. It's kind of like my exercise routine, I've started noticing the rewards of it, and so have others, after a long time of not seeing any visible results.
"Unseen virtue brings visible ... (fill in the blank)."
Garlic is my favorite thing to add to ANY dish! Dinner is the most amazing meal to cook. Garlic makes ANY dinner better, though the breaths of your guests may not be better after dinner. :D.
3 years of darkness can be uncovered by just one word.
myst
fire
rain
lake
soar
Gliding across the horizion,
He waits.
He's found what he wants.
His prey is sitting there,
But the moment's not right:
The winds comes from the west.
He waits.
I get to see the lazy-ass ugly side of myself. I'm not happpy with myself, i know I'm a better person than this. I know that I've got to be the one that's changing my situation. Only me. A friend indeed will help.
Something about suburban straight white young males angers me. But my emotions are my own, it's not the white male's fault, it's my reaction. What is it? Have I been brainwashed to feel that all white males are evil, no matter how good looking they may be? Have I fallen into the trap that they are "the man" and that whatever shit that happens in my life is due to "the man"? I may just have. It's sad that they maybe the most discriminated group in our society. They have the anger of all women, of all minorities, of all queers, of most "adults," and of most of the lower class directed towards them. Hmm...that and add the pressures of parents and of the suburban lifestyle.
Yet they still do have so much advantage over anyone who doesn't fill out their same description.
Why?
I must push myself somehow to see what is at the root of this cause. Is it because they have what I want? Therefore see them as competition.
I'm competetive, btw. Starting to realize that it's one of the things that drives me, but i'm only competetive in the weirdest of things.
Because it's the summer, I've had the best chance to push myself in SGI activites. Nothing crazy, mind you, but still, I've been studying (self-motivated) more than ever, and I can start to feel the rewards of it. It's kind of like my exercise routine, I've started noticing the rewards of it, and so have others, after a long time of not seeing any visible results.
"Unseen virtue brings visible ... (fill in the blank)."
Garlic is my favorite thing to add to ANY dish! Dinner is the most amazing meal to cook. Garlic makes ANY dinner better, though the breaths of your guests may not be better after dinner. :D.
3 years of darkness can be uncovered by just one word.
myst
fire
rain
lake
soar
Gliding across the horizion,
He waits.
He's found what he wants.
His prey is sitting there,
But the moment's not right:
The winds comes from the west.
He waits.
I worry too much
But I worry still. I think my words have run out.
For some reason or other, I find myself staring at the ceiling. Dunno why, but the lack of music doesn't bother me.
A grin perhaps, but silence is really golden.
In the silence stews the thought of a life after soka. Damn it, ellie you got me started :P. What it will be remains to be seen. I know that it can't be exactly what it was before soka, and I know it will never be exactly what i had at soka.
It is a frontier we all are facing, that we all have just come to realize, that time still exists and we do have to exeunt the stage that soka is, for the final time.
No, the time at soka is not time spent on a stage performing shakespeare, but the time at soka is the time, work, energy, and life we put onto the stage practicing our life, learning our lines, costume changes, set changes, and all the other things. The time that really matters.
What's bittersweet is that the play that we perform after we're done practicing, is one where most, if not all, of our comrades won't be. We'll be doing our solos, out there in the world.
But what soothes the bitterness is that we'll all be doing it together, just like we have been doing so far. we'll all have our own struggles, get ourselves into deep shit, and maybe even deeper shit, but we'll all be doing it together. Some of us may not have learned what it means to be a global citizen, but, if nothing else, we did learn what it means to be a soka student. that it's the happiest, darkest, most heart-wrenching, and satisfying place to be.
I sit and stare into the night-darkened canyon and start to see the shape of the knoll below me, and think that in a few months, i'll be headed down the side of that canyon. With all the coyotes, rattlesnakes, and other assorted wildlife that i wouldn't ever like to meet. But I know I won't be the only one making that journey, even if i happen to be alone at the moment.
Thank you to my friends, to my peers, and to those who've guided me so far into this journey. I won't ever forget you. I will see you in august, if not before.
For some reason or other, I find myself staring at the ceiling. Dunno why, but the lack of music doesn't bother me.
A grin perhaps, but silence is really golden.
In the silence stews the thought of a life after soka. Damn it, ellie you got me started :P. What it will be remains to be seen. I know that it can't be exactly what it was before soka, and I know it will never be exactly what i had at soka.
It is a frontier we all are facing, that we all have just come to realize, that time still exists and we do have to exeunt the stage that soka is, for the final time.
No, the time at soka is not time spent on a stage performing shakespeare, but the time at soka is the time, work, energy, and life we put onto the stage practicing our life, learning our lines, costume changes, set changes, and all the other things. The time that really matters.
What's bittersweet is that the play that we perform after we're done practicing, is one where most, if not all, of our comrades won't be. We'll be doing our solos, out there in the world.
But what soothes the bitterness is that we'll all be doing it together, just like we have been doing so far. we'll all have our own struggles, get ourselves into deep shit, and maybe even deeper shit, but we'll all be doing it together. Some of us may not have learned what it means to be a global citizen, but, if nothing else, we did learn what it means to be a soka student. that it's the happiest, darkest, most heart-wrenching, and satisfying place to be.
I sit and stare into the night-darkened canyon and start to see the shape of the knoll below me, and think that in a few months, i'll be headed down the side of that canyon. With all the coyotes, rattlesnakes, and other assorted wildlife that i wouldn't ever like to meet. But I know I won't be the only one making that journey, even if i happen to be alone at the moment.
Thank you to my friends, to my peers, and to those who've guided me so far into this journey. I won't ever forget you. I will see you in august, if not before.
10.7.04
6.7.04
5.7.04
To what extent...
Do i really want to push myself? "To what extent..." is such an IB history question.
Right now, I'm really testing my ability to stay in this moment, not in the future or in the past. This thing I have with Alex, is pushing my ability to really stay focused on my goal AND stay in the moment and to really care about the people in my life.
Speaking of which, I need to call home. Randomly, about 2 years after coming to SUA and having very little homesickness, I've gotten a tad bit of homesickness. It must be the 4th, and not having seen my family for about 3 months now. It's a bit melancholy, but nonetheless, I'll be happy to see them in August. I'm looking forward to seeing them here at SUA, not only for the cash infusion I'm sure they'll bring, but to be with them as a whole family once again.
SF trip planning is going along, as soon as I get my cheque for the last two weeks of work (about $500 post-tax) I'll book the room through the phone. I'm going to call Lisa this week too just to make sure she's ok with the hotel situation.
I'm really worried about something, but I don't know what it seems to really be about.
I went with Doris and Seung to Tea Station for lunch today, I owe Doris back $10, remember that. But it was really good, it was @ culver plaza, on culver near irvine center drive. I do believe I'll have to take my parents and my family there. Eating at the restaurant, I was "remembering" for some reason that I don't think my obaachan and my mom have a very good view of other asians. It could be the Japanese culture coming through there for them, or it could be an imagined view on my behalf. But it worried me, if i was to take my obaachan there, what would it be like?
It was cool, I could read a whole line of the Tea Station place mat. Not that I could remember it right now, but I felt accomplished, and even about 2 months after I last took a chinese class.
There's been a lot going on since I've last posted a full text blog, so I can't go into too much detail, it's nearing bed time, but I will explain some things that've been going on.
So since the 25th: pri has left, i went over to pri's to have a family dinner, the 4th has happened, i've been kissed for the first time, i've made-out for the first time, i saw spidey 2 and i saw fahrenheight 9/11, i'm at $0 in my bank accounts, i've made great yakisoba, i've been listening to kroq and kiss pretty much all the time, i've had breakthroughs, and slides-back to oblivion, my faith has grown in parts and stagnated in others, i've read a lot of colorado papers, and yet i've got almost no clue what's going on across the street, i've worked 40 hours, but really worked about 10. It's been a long time since i've written and I can't remember much of it.
I'll have to text blog more with some more photoblogging too.
I promise. (to myself and to you).
=o-yasumi!=
Right now, I'm really testing my ability to stay in this moment, not in the future or in the past. This thing I have with Alex, is pushing my ability to really stay focused on my goal AND stay in the moment and to really care about the people in my life.
Speaking of which, I need to call home. Randomly, about 2 years after coming to SUA and having very little homesickness, I've gotten a tad bit of homesickness. It must be the 4th, and not having seen my family for about 3 months now. It's a bit melancholy, but nonetheless, I'll be happy to see them in August. I'm looking forward to seeing them here at SUA, not only for the cash infusion I'm sure they'll bring, but to be with them as a whole family once again.
SF trip planning is going along, as soon as I get my cheque for the last two weeks of work (about $500 post-tax) I'll book the room through the phone. I'm going to call Lisa this week too just to make sure she's ok with the hotel situation.
I'm really worried about something, but I don't know what it seems to really be about.
I went with Doris and Seung to Tea Station for lunch today, I owe Doris back $10, remember that. But it was really good, it was @ culver plaza, on culver near irvine center drive. I do believe I'll have to take my parents and my family there. Eating at the restaurant, I was "remembering" for some reason that I don't think my obaachan and my mom have a very good view of other asians. It could be the Japanese culture coming through there for them, or it could be an imagined view on my behalf. But it worried me, if i was to take my obaachan there, what would it be like?
It was cool, I could read a whole line of the Tea Station place mat. Not that I could remember it right now, but I felt accomplished, and even about 2 months after I last took a chinese class.
There's been a lot going on since I've last posted a full text blog, so I can't go into too much detail, it's nearing bed time, but I will explain some things that've been going on.
So since the 25th: pri has left, i went over to pri's to have a family dinner, the 4th has happened, i've been kissed for the first time, i've made-out for the first time, i saw spidey 2 and i saw fahrenheight 9/11, i'm at $0 in my bank accounts, i've made great yakisoba, i've been listening to kroq and kiss pretty much all the time, i've had breakthroughs, and slides-back to oblivion, my faith has grown in parts and stagnated in others, i've read a lot of colorado papers, and yet i've got almost no clue what's going on across the street, i've worked 40 hours, but really worked about 10. It's been a long time since i've written and I can't remember much of it.
I'll have to text blog more with some more photoblogging too.
I promise. (to myself and to you).
=o-yasumi!=
Rocky Mountain News: Election
Rocky Mountain News: Election
suddenly, i remember that colorado isn't the safest place to be gay and out as a part of the larger community.
too bad it has to be so. :'(
suddenly, i remember that colorado isn't the safest place to be gay and out as a part of the larger community.
too bad it has to be so. :'(
2.7.04
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