The fog.

The night's fog outside is a reflection of my mind. I cannot see clearly what's inside the door that's illuminated on the other side of the hill, I just know that the door is there. I cann't see but the lights and my path is still unclear. My mind has confused me and I still don't know where. I. am.The fog tonight is strange, perhaps reflecting how i'm feeling, it looks to me like a mix of purple and blue. Purple for you know what and blue for how I feel. I'm just frustrated with life. I can't wait to Friday night and then Saturday morning. I see bodies dancing with the lights around the circle of trees, knowing they're soka student still awake as I go to sleep for some reason is comforting.I've forgotten my poetic side, I wish I knew where it went. I'm glad I realized that it's not been around. I wonder if I'll be able to cultivate it once again. My mind and my heart are in two distant countries and I lie here, in California, searching for the moon through the marine layer.I see, I hear, I feel, for the first time in a while. That last three months has whooshed by and I haven't even noticed that my world has gotten smaller, more brutish, and hellish. I can honestly say that tonight I was in the world of hell. I don't want to be there again. I've come to far in my oh so few 20 years of life to want to encourage this kind of behaviour. My body twiches and burns when I make the determination to be strong, to be courageous.Courage is the word that struck me today. I wonder how this shall play out in my life. I need to find something more and more and more and more. I know what I say; but I can't know if I'm communicating it to you. "To whom?" you ask. I don't respond. I can't say because if I say it you may see through to me, on the inside."I know everything you want, I know everything you need, I know everything inside of you that you wish you could be. I say all the right things, at exactly the right time, but I mean nothing to you and I don't know why."I must become a positive influence on my world. I must be confident in that I can create change, and even more that I can create positive change in my world.I have forgotten my humanity and I reclaim it tonight. Focus andy focus!