Quiet night

22 | August | 2006

All play and no work make Jack a poor boy.

It’s been a while since I’ve written something. I don’t know exactly why I didn’t, but I’m beginning to see that I’m busier. Things are starting to get a lot less plannable. In my detail-oriented mind, it makes it slightly harder to work with. Heh heh heh.

I read guidance from Sensei from his mentor, Josei Toda, that everything should be well planned, well in advance. I sadly only follow this guidance in my work, and only for certain projects. I’m feeling that right now where I’m most ‘lost’ in terms of the work area, is how I exactly fit into the role I’m in. I have a few projects in mind that will hopefully work themselves out. Right now though, I have a slight amount of shoten zenjin in my co-workers and a few sansho shima among them as well. I won’t name names, but most people know who makes my job easier and who makes my job more difficult. It’s difficult to respect and encourage those who make my job more difficult, but, in the end, the rewards are there. I just have to believe in the rewarding part of it to make the difficult part a bit easier to palatate…heh…new word!

I need some time at work to just let out my thoughts.

Today, I was able to just go out and drive. I did that yesterday as well. I’m a much more happy person for that. It seems like a long time ago, but I went to pick up Chester’s computer from the FedEx Freight Station up in Placentia (near Anaheim), yesterday AND today. On the way back down yesterday, I drove the 133 down to Laguna and then took the PCH down to Dana Point. I traveled that little bit of the PCH down here in South County I’ve never been on before. Tonight, after dropping off Ko-chan and his ‘wife’ at SUA, I drove down Pacific Island Dr from Alicia Pkwy and then took Crown Valley Pkwy to the PCH and then Niguel Rd from PCH to the house. All the while, I was listening to Jazz-FM, which plays trip-hop/acid jazz, ambient, something very ‘night-time-car-driving’ kinda music. There’s something to the Incubus song “Drive.” Something about having the windows open late at night, when you just want to sit and think, or to just be alone letting the day decompress and be absorbed that helps to just feel better about yourself.

Do you ever get the slightly burning, slightly scratchy feeling on your tongue?

Slowly, I’m bittersweet about hearing about all these people who are in Boulder/Denver area. I’m first envious of the prices they’re paying for housing. Second, that they can live there and go to school there. Third, that they can be in a place that’s close to my heart.

Talking with TwoTings last night made me realize how upset I am over the “white privilege” that so many don’t realize they have. We talked about the organization Focus on the Family, arch-conservative Christian organization, that supports one-man one-woman version of marriage. For some reason or other, to me, the concept that this same certain sense of narrow-mindedness that informs this view somehow extrapolates to a very narrow view of what a ‘family’ is and what it means in Colorado to be ‘normal.’

Somehow all these concepts are linked in my mind. I don’t believe it to be a direct point-to-point link; however, it seems that the concept of privlge is mixed in with the marriage thing. This organization also seems to have a very limited idea of whom they represent (e.g. WASP Middle-class Americans). Which also makes me itch with rage.

Anyways, life goes on. I’m currently ready to pass out, so for tonight, I shall finish.