"Today is the day from whence I shall step forth and challenge all in my life."

I want to share this spirit with everyone. Encourage them to live by it as well. I want to have faith and take action as well. I rested well last night and I've had a good day today. I want my worries to propell me to something better.

I still have yet to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. Talking with Daito yesterday on our way up to Santa Monica WPIA made me realize, what my calling may be. I'm slightly afraid to say that I may be working in the wrong field right now. Urban planning seems to be something that will continue to entice me in the future. Human rights, civil rights are both things that I want to help with. Is what path I'm setting myself on right now the same path I want to be on?

I have to study more. Soka spirit is meaningless. Daito was critical of the relationship that G. Williams had with the priesthood--in terms of Soka spirit issues. I want to be such a person who doesn't bend to those "devils" and "demons," those who are secretly trying to destroy the SGI.

I want to be loved, but perhaps I have to learn to love myself first. Appreciating what it is that I do posess and striving to better myself in the areas where I am weak. Love is something that we all seek. Some are more loving than others, but love remains the same. The question of the week is: "is it romance or bro-mance?" I struggle with the answer within myself. Asking this question with out already knowing my own, remains yet a precarious one for him.

Clarity. My grandmother is going to undergo surgery on Tuesday. I'm going to take a sick day and chant for her during the surgery and before it. My grandmother's surgery and her health is weighing on my mind. Don't know what I'd do without her. She is the anchor of the family and she is someone who's still seeking out kosen-rufu. Treasure her and memories that I have of her. Noticed last time I was home how much she seemed to have aged; caused me worry while I was there, but now I worry more because I'm becoming awayre of *her* mortality. At the same time, I'm more awayre of my own.

If all goes well and there are no complications with her surgery, I will also head up to West Hollywood for the Hollywood Carneval that night. Excited for the Carneval, though still with out a costume; furthermore, unsure about what 'it' is hence worried about hurt feelings.

I'm feeling much more contented with work. Although I complain a bit about the students...only a bit ;)...I do treasure them. However, I must be clear about expectations and responsibilities. This should be a great training opportunity for these students' futures. I hope they know it. Sincerity in work is amazing, laziness and slack and lack of resolve is absoutely horrid. I want to be able to encourage the student who feels unable to learn or blocked from it somehow to see that they are able to learn. Thinking of Ms. R. specifically in this case.