Okay, so after the post-meeting glow...I wonder where do you find the drive to keep on going with that glow and not let it be forgotten? Waht can I do? Do you guys have any advice?

I want to change, but it's easy to slip back into your habitual lives and just ... just ... lose yourself in ... I know it sounds weird but ... yourself.

When I think about it. What am I looking for? What (AND who) will make me happy? What is it that I want to change and do I really want to change it? Those are the questions I am dealing with right now in my life...and I don't think I like the answers I'm recieving.

What's posted on my grease-board right now:
"Toi, si beau. Viens a moi. Tes levres et tes bras me carreseront. Ton sourire me feront heureux et content. Que tu viendras a moi." ("You, so beautiful. Come to me. Your lips and your arms will caress me. Your smile will make me happy and content. But, if you would only come to me.")

It's like I'm asking for a gift to be placed in my lap::albeit a beautiful, happy, and loving gift. What am I doing? This is not what I want! Come on ANDY...BE that which you know you can be...not the lazy ass you make yourself seem. BE the person you want to be and not the person you know you are. Change for the better.

Better yesterday than today, Better tomorrow than today.

Please, consider that I am happy where I am, I just know that I can do better.

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E: You know, if you don't confront the person...this problem will only persist. I think I know who you are talking about, and they may even know it. However, if you don't confront them...it will only be bad for all parties involved. Even if they deny that they are trying to do whatever you feel they are doing, it still doesn't change the fact that you feel that way and that they need to change their actions. Otherwise, we all end up frustrated and lost.

Hope your having a better night tonight than before!

You deserve to have a better one, I miss the happier Ellie. :P
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Pandy-name-giver...if you visit here:

Things are going okay. I mean, what could I expect...the worst...and it didn't happen. I did hope for the best, which was pflag-organizing, rainbow-flag-waving parents, but I guess that was hoping for too much from Asian parents. I do think that it will take my mom a long while to get used to this. Some of the things she says are too reminicient of right-winged bastard talk, and that scares me. It shouldn't but it does and gets me down. The last two weeks, though to some it may not have seemd like it, were really tough for me. I almost had a break-down on friday, just wanting to give up on life. However, I managed to deal with it, refreshed myself on friday night and saturday with my best friends here and got back on track on sunday. Now I just got this hole I dug to deal with. Hopefully I'll be better by the end of the week. Got plans to go to my first gay club, well a /real/ gay club on friday, and disneyland on saturday. I hope to have fun and not have to worry about depressing things. I miss you and ryan and the rest of thems peoples. Plus I miss being in certain places in FC: namely up on horsetooth trying to make fire, having the crap scared out of us by hick fishermen floating around at night trawling/fishing.
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Please keep all comments clean all y'all.

Peace, love, and (not chocolate milk but...) sanity.
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Andy (being a bad person, not going to bed early enough)