Today was an interesting day...what can I say. I felt like I did a lot.

Finally, ED gave my the approval I needed...je parle. On parle. Parlons!

I did my OCPN stuff. Which was finally cool to get a lot of that stuff outta tha way.

There's 5 hours for last week. Another 5 hours or so this week and I think that I'll get all my OCPN stuff fixed. However, you know the way technology works, this website won't be anywhere in the next 7 days. (Angrily shakes his fist into outer space).

I had a Pearl meeting; more like I walked in on a Pearl meeting. Why does EF always have a worried look on her face at meetings, I noticed this night at the Sunday night Discussion too. It seems like she don't seem happy at meetings. However, happy outside of them. Then again, we were discussing heavy topix at both meetings tonight.

So back to the Pearl meeting (pearl = newspaper), we were discussing a topic of importance to the community, but whether it is our place to report on it. After the thing last year with McGiness and Balitzer...who probably wouldn't be here right now anyways...it's like we're stepping on eggshells to not be the thing that incites another "protest on the green."

Speaking of which, freshmen know a lot. I recant my statement about them needing to know more about what went on...they've already started asking themselves. However, the speaking in tongues thing, I still agree we should stop. There's already the tongues for SGI we don't need another tongues for the McGiness-email thingy. I don't want to hear about it, just like a lot of people; we've discussed the whole McGiness thing enough, but the freshmen do deserve to know...so that they know that it has worked and that the student body is vulnerable like that.

Back to the Pearl, yet again. We're probably not publishing in a week, though I'd like to. We don't have any meaty stories that we could publish. MB's Iraq Article, don't seem to be enough, we need more campus news and more "feature" kindsof stuff.

Boys...want one. But, don't really need one.

So, at the meeting on Friday I went to, MikeS asked a question about why it seems that our prayers take longer to be answered as adults than as children. It was agreed on that it's because you're more egotistical as an adult, trying to manipulate the gohonzon in to doing whatever it is you want. Scheming for your prayers, so that if this happens then this happens. That discussion led me to think about how and about what I pray. So, is it bad if you pray for things that end up going illogically? This is related to the one-liner above.

Is wanting a jock bad? or is that just who gets me off? No one in particular, though if you asked I could tell you a few that I wouldn't mind...(devil).

I pray for someone to love. But why? So that I can be happy. Ok, so then chant about being happy.

I pray to be happy so that attract someone I can love.

Is that the right way to chant? My mind says yes, but I can't tell what my heart says. My id says it's the first way; my ego...dunno...and my superego...is out shopping for new Prada clothes. Hence, what's the real way. How do I become happy, then, if I have to become happy to then become someone that's lovable and gets into the right situations to be loved.

I know it in my head, but not in my heart...I have practice, but that's it. How come I can't study and have faith? What is it that is limiting me? Myself?

Yah, probably. Why? How can I change it?

Strangely, I have the feeling that I don't want to really answer that question.

Then why that? Because I can't see myself as being happy? Is that why?

But that leads to bemoaning the past, where can I go differently?...I've been down that road already, it ends up where I keep on not wanting to end up. That's not beautiful...that's not living.

It's time to think and pray...

Je m'endormirai en quelques minutes...j3 v3ux pr4ct1qu3r l3 fr4nc4a1s. J3 t3 p4rl3 4 d3m31n...

Bonne nuit!