Ugh...

I feel gross.

What is it about me that attracts the gay 30-45 y.o. set? Not that I have problems with anyone in that age range, but (1) if I'm going to go out with someone I don't want to go out with someone my parent's age and (2) do they also have to start a conversation with sex?

Umm...so considering who's reading this blog...I'm sure you guys are fully enthralled by that last comment. My life is a lot of questions and right now this one is pressing on me. This one guy basically said that he wanted to take my flower away. Umm...hmm...maybe if you're a mature being who's seeking a basic relationship first...then yah I'd consider it.

Maybe i'm more a-sexual than anything the gay 'culture' produces.

I'm sure I ain't the only one out there...but whomever contacts me are those who are larger or as large as I, and tend to be 30-45 years old. Hmm...

Can't I just get someone my age so that we can play linkin park together, to go out and hike, and mabye even make love? Umm...the world says "no."

What is the nature of love? Why does lost / love / lust find me in the ways I don't want to find it? Is that my destiny?

No. I will not 'succumb' to a destiny.

Hmm. Why do I stay quiet then, when I find someone I like. Is it the gay aspect of me...the one that hides still? Is it that I fall for guys who are totally out of reach? The straightest of the straight? Why do the cutest guys have to be Japanese and alas straight?

Maybe I'll find my asian king one day. That or my happa king. Hehe.