I'm home

I've arrived at home after two days of travel and about 18 hours of driving. A few Lay's, some Chex Mix, a couple apples and an orange, Wendy's, Mickey D's, and Qdoba as sustenance along the way back and I'm home. I've never been so happy to be back at home. I have a lot of things to absorb while I'm here and I'm needing a rest from SUA life. I need some time to mend my heart, my brain, and my soul. What is it that I've needed all along: some time to reflect, a lot of time to study and to chant, and a bit of time to work.

The next couple of days I'm going to spend resting. Maybe in 2 days I'll head out to find a job. I really need to find some place to work that will make me enough money but won't break me in the process. I can do the 40 hours a week, but the truth is I don't want to. 30 hours is something more like what I'm thinking. Then, I'll still have time for the studying I want to do.

One thing that I've noticed: everything is cheaper here--gas is one of them. Almost under $2,00 here. I passed by the Diamond Shamrock on Harmony and Timberline and 85 Unleaded was $2,06. The Premium was $2,25. I wasn't even paying that on 87 Unleaded in SoCal! WTF! I wonder if the food's cheaper here too? I missed Colorado quick food--Qdoba especially! Having Q in Glenwood was awesome and really cheap. God, why don't we have that in SoCal? Qdoba, Red Robin, Big City, etc.

Other things are brewing in my life. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. My name means "growing light." I can see that the light that shines in me is growing. But there's always that force of doubt. It always exists and though I've heard all the guidance given about that darkness, I haven't understood it completely heart and mind.

There's this line from this really cheesy Spanish pop-dance song that goes: "aquel día que te ví me enamoré" and honestly that's how I feel right now. Desde aquel día que le ví a él, me enamoré de él. Y lo que me jode ahora es que ya sé que no me quiere cómo lo quiero. Completamente no sé qué hacer. Mi corazón se haré de nuevo, es seguro. Pero, a él, no puedo dejarlo. Estoy completamente "pegado" a él. Sorry to the non-Spanish speakers, I won't translate it, I'm too tired.