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At the moment, feeling: mixed-up. Not content. Not happy. Not sad. Not angry. Not alot of things.

Music: KTCL & Nek - Laura is Away simultaneously
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Today, has been a better day than ones of recent.

So in the last 3-4 days or so, what's happened?

A lot. And yet so little.

So, to the most pressing matter. I now have a job at the Dazzle Car Wash down in Loveland; it's right by my dad's workplace. I think it's going to be the perfect summer job. I hope. It's pretty much just doing stuff in the sun, getting a tan, cleaning a car and driving cool cars. Yay! I wonder what kind of job this is going to turn out to be. I'm excited. BUT. (you know there's always a "but"). Now I have to go back to Tokyo Bowl tomorrow and tell them that I'm quitting. I guess I do have my reasons, but I feel bad for stringing them along for this long, they giving me about 2 weeks of work, well, in truth, about 12.5 hours in that 2 weeks. So, I guess it's fine. I just need to work it out in my head before I go in there at like 10AM to tell the guy who has the shop (Chon(g?)).

It's a high-stress job at Tokyo Bowl. I know the restaurant biz is high-stress. But I guess, working at this job down in Loveland will still get me the people skills usage too. It's something to mull over. While chanting tonight, I was also wondering how much value I could create at the tokyo bowl job. Maybe that's why I feel such a connection. I feel that it's a place where I could maybe grow or something. Perhaps, that's why. But then again, I do attach pretty much, to a lot of things, so it's something to take a grain of salt with.

Well, I'm set to start working at Dazzle from Wednesday the 9th, at 9h30 in the morning, or so.

I'm sure it'll be a chance to let my Spanish skills do their work. I'm looking forward to actually using these words and vocab and verbs i've been learning for a year now. It'll be nice, I hope. Bridging the gap even? Maybe, we'll see.

Now, to the goals I set earlier. I've been pretty much on top of at least the chanting goal. For the last two days I've been consistently doing at least 1hour a day. On Sat, after FH, I went to a teleconference for the Western Zone YMD, and the goal in the Zone is to shakubuku 2 people per district until August, and to do an hour of chanting everyday from now until the 12 October.

That last part surprised me. It's about the same time I decided I needed a change in my life, that this daily chanting goal came up. It's really queer.

Oh well, I guess I'm somehow in tune with the universe. :). That makes me feel better.

I also read a thing in the WT today about Perfectionism and how much it hurts one's life. I guess I'm a perfectionist. I can't let things be, very often, UNLESS I'm being lazy. :P. I guess, it's something I need to change. Ego. Perfectionism. Plenty, of stuff to change.

I want someone.
Just a summer fling even.
Just someone.
A person to hold on to.
To have a guy.
To live with someone else.
To actually express my love.

My love doesn't have borders.
Only I have set them up.
A dodgy look. A glare. A coup d'oeil.
All that can turn someone off.
Do I realize I do that?
I'm just beginning to.
Sigh. No confidence.

What to do? Build myself. Tear down walls. Do something. Something's gotta change.

What else has gone on in my life?

Oh, major news! We're getting a car.

A nice one, by my standards. I still can't belive that my dad wants me to have _this_ car!!!

2000 Nissan Altima SE (here)

I really like the car: CD player, Leather, Power Driver's Seat, all black. I think it looks cool. Just don't know how much this is gonna be during the school year. But i'm sure everything will work out.

A 2.4 L, I4 engine. Means, not much power, but just enough. 21/28 MPG City/Hwy. good enough on gas. Rather safe car. Now I can be a SokaTaxi.

Well that's it for now.

I'm in a self-destructive Funk, yet again, so I'm gonna keep this short before hurt, rage, anger, and pain all let it self out here. I might post something later for that sh*t. I think I've made it pretty far since the last funk, so I guess it's time again for that kinda stuff.