But I worry still. I think my words have run out.
For some reason or other, I find myself staring at the ceiling. Dunno why, but the lack of music doesn't bother me.
A grin perhaps, but silence is really golden.
In the silence stews the thought of a life after soka. Damn it, ellie you got me started :P. What it will be remains to be seen. I know that it can't be exactly what it was before soka, and I know it will never be exactly what i had at soka.
It is a frontier we all are facing, that we all have just come to realize, that time still exists and we do have to exeunt the stage that soka is, for the final time.
No, the time at soka is not time spent on a stage performing shakespeare, but the time at soka is the time, work, energy, and life we put onto the stage practicing our life, learning our lines, costume changes, set changes, and all the other things. The time that really matters.
What's bittersweet is that the play that we perform after we're done practicing, is one where most, if not all, of our comrades won't be. We'll be doing our solos, out there in the world.
But what soothes the bitterness is that we'll all be doing it together, just like we have been doing so far. we'll all have our own struggles, get ourselves into deep shit, and maybe even deeper shit, but we'll all be doing it together. Some of us may not have learned what it means to be a global citizen, but, if nothing else, we did learn what it means to be a soka student. that it's the happiest, darkest, most heart-wrenching, and satisfying place to be.
I sit and stare into the night-darkened canyon and start to see the shape of the knoll below me, and think that in a few months, i'll be headed down the side of that canyon. With all the coyotes, rattlesnakes, and other assorted wildlife that i wouldn't ever like to meet. But I know I won't be the only one making that journey, even if i happen to be alone at the moment.
Thank you to my friends, to my peers, and to those who've guided me so far into this journey. I won't ever forget you. I will see you in august, if not before.
