30.6.04
¡Él me besó!

La noche fue sencillo. Una película y nada más. Nada más que un beso...o besitos.

Hmm...

Interesting story about boy who was the first in Colorado to get AIDS as a child. Posted by Hello
29.6.04

Google Search: club static colorado

YOU'VE BEEN DATING AND HAVEN'T TOLD ME YOU VERMINOUS CRETING THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME!
28.6.04

Daytime thoughts

It's 3PM and I still haven't finished my project for the day.

Blogger is better than MySpace, but only by a bit.

f911

An interesting critique of the movie Farenheight 911

Very good website :P Posted by Hello

Ke-luo-la-duo de BaoShang Posted by Hello

Jai and Mitsue are hi-larious. G'god! That was in May, just before the International Festival. Posted by Hello

Peace! Posted by Hello

It's Mo...a tad bit orange. Posted by Hello

A piece of (S0ka) Home. Posted by Hello

What in the Heck is THAT, I-sam-u? Posted by Hello

Oh~~~! Sexy Tali. Posted by Hello

A nice photo of Shikha (L) and Alex (R). Shix will be swimming in the Athens Olympics and I'm sure the Beijing Olympics. I know that "our little Shikha" will do very well! Posted by Hello

Ok, so a better one, as promised. Posted by Hello

No, she is not drunk, it's just a bad pic. A better one is going up. Posted by Hello

Of course he's taking apart a computer, it's Chester for god sake! Posted by Hello
27.6.04

Cool site. Posted by Hello
25.6.04

Thoughts while at work

I can do this. But my karma is trying to stop me.

Karma is kinda like the matrix. It's all around you, it's in everyone and everything. You smell, see, eat, breat, and taste karma. But, the one thing that you can know is that only you yourself have control over your situation. Not "god" not "jebus" and definitely not anyone else. If, and more than that, when, you take control over your situation, over your life, and all the people in it, start to care for the people in your life, and what ever the consequences are in your life, and also start to change the causes you're making, is when you start changing your life for the better.

What a statement! I think I'm on the verge of a break-through.

But still Horny.

One thing I need to do is to start checking out how much carbs I'm eating. I am gainging weight by the pounds! (Hahaha.)

"Lies is when you hide the trufth." I like Radio Deejay, though it's something that I probably like listen to because it's "foreign". That and American Radio (sauve some radio stations that are local/not-Clear Channel) are really good, play a mix of new, old, indie, and underground.

I hate being broke. Not that I'm starving or anything, and not that I don't have money if I need it, but the fact that I don't have enough cash to do what I want right now is killing me. Good thing I know that what I'm saving for is what I really want to save for and I can stay focused on my goal. But, man does it kill me. Then, a short realization, and back to the goal again.

My key is gone...gone. Gone, I tell you, gone! (Dun runnoft with Male).

Damn, I'm hungry. And /hungry/.

Brain dead!

How come there's no difference for me when it's lunch and when I'm working?

I'm so tired. My body is just tired and it's very warm today. I must go get water!

The feeling of having "bags" under your eyes is weird. Why is it that I have so much eye baggage right now?

~dead~ness~

Sarah and Miah's Pacific Crest Trail Page,

Damn!, Friends! @ Sarah's Grad Party
24.6.04

Yuko, right after she got back from Nippon. Posted by Hello
21.6.04
Random thoughts:

Dating is weird.

Why isn't there something to do on a MONDAY!

Monday's are weird in and of themselves.

Where are the Sonics in California?

It's weird being in a place where there's only SGI people. Take a look at IT, for instance. Pam and Armando are both new SGI members, most of my co-workers are SGI members, so are Bobbie, Geoff, and Sam.

"Firefox is good." -Chester

"Spiderman is coming out soon." -Chester

"Join MySpace." -Chester...wait!!!!

26th: SGI meeting

29th: Meet new recruitment guy?

"Gameboy SP NES Classic edition is good too." -Chester

There's something that just doesn't look right about Paul Oakenfold. Maybe it's his choice of eyewear that makes his face look squishy.

Graham Norton is hilarious.

Ok people

So in Jessica-esque style:

Ok people, you shouldn't let Andy plan a trip or anything.

Back to normal style:

I really don't know what to do. Days are numbered, weeks are crazy!

One option leave wednesday evening, get to SF on Thurs afternoon, stay on thurs, fri, and leave on sat afternoon. Back on Sunday.

Another option, leave Thursday, get to SF on Friday Afternoon, stay friday, sat, and leave on Sun afternoon. Back on Monday. That'd be interesting.

Or even another, leave wednesday evening, get SF on thurs afternoon, stay on thurs, fri, sat, and leave on sun afternoon. Back on Monday.

I think the second option is the best.

But what do you think?
16.6.04

Ok...

So this will be a [perhaps] better blog entry than the last one. No I wasn't on crack or anything, but it was definitely not in my normal style.

However, before I begin anything, I'll have to go cook something. Cooking wine is great! (btw).

Can I make the determination to be happy and joyful of whatever situation I'm in, again?

Wait...

Have I ever made a determination like that? NO I guess not.

Well, now that I'm here on-line, after such a good meal: celery and cabbage, slightly curried, steamed with cooking wine; peppered chicken with tomatoes on rice; and a burger. I feel good. Amazingly good.

I'm making this determination to be happy and joyful in whatever situation I'm in. If I'm going to live my life's ups and downs, why do I need to be so depressed about it, so dreary about it? I don't, so I'm giving it up. "I'm breaking the habit tonight..."

It'll be hard, I'm a cynic by nature. I guess. "Always look on the bright side of life..."

Ok, enough with the linkinpark and the montypython.

I'm making a goal of 1.25 hours of daim until tomorrow, and then from then on, 1.5. After that I'm going to try 2 hours a day! I need to kick my karma in the ass, and make some positive changes in my life...like not swearing! :D

Also, I've been neglecting relationships, with family, with Alex, with a lot of people. And I should really cherish the time I have with them. So, I hope that I'll be able to start that too.

See what a good day of gongyo-ing does to your mental healtH?

Oyasumi! JAne!
'Night! See ya!
13.6.04

S'ok...

I haven't written in almost four days! Better than four weeks, or something of the sort, but I feel like I'm on a good wave or a better one perhaps.

I watched the movie Donnie Darko finally. I think I need to watch it again. I was awake throughout the whole movie, this time. It's amazing how much Jake Gyllenhaal has filled out since then. But, boy, is he still as good looking as ever. It's a very confusing plot, but there's something in it that makes me intrigued.

There was a moment that I thought the main character totally was like Chester, I could see a bit of him in the main character. On the other hand, there's a few scenes that are disturbing for me, so I think I will have some interesting dreams tonight. Hopefully no one-eyed rabbits running around.

I am seriously questioning why I want to get into a relationship. I'm getting more and more to the conclusion that I'm looking for a comfortable place to lay my head. The real question is whether that's what I need. I'm afraid of relationships, that's for sure. I dunno what it is about my own past, or my past's past; however, it is something that bothers me, why is it that I feel that most of my relationships are awkward. Yes, they are deep, but why does it take me a very long time to make a friend?

I am always at a point where I must question myself. But where is that point where I start caring about the problems of others? If I really want to grow, don't I have to start growing outwards? Instead of inwards? Why is it always a question with me? Almost never an answer? Is it that I'm still really more a teen than an adult? Is the adult world always like this?

The good thing about living alone is that I'm being forced to start to develop a life outside of school. SGI activities are actually keeping my sanity. Without something to do on the weekends, during the week, or whenever, working 30~40 hours a week would kill me. I still want to find other activities to do: something like Field Hockey, or somethign that I can easily take up around here. I still need something to do that would create value for me and hopefully for the community.

Greatness won't come to me. I will become great.

What can I do to develop my inner strength? Why am I still up? I must go to Shunji and Herlinda's tomorrow.
9.6.04

What do I really want?

That is my question. I don't really know and that's maybe a bad thing. I just came back from my date with Alex. He was very nice today, and we went to a restaurant in San Juan Capistrano called Ciao Pasta. Of course, it was a very good restaurant, but a bit too heavy on the oils, in the dish I had. I forgot my take-home box at Alex's, so I'll just have to get it later. And I had to come back early.

We watched the movie The Order. Interesting, but the plot was really hard to follow. I think I'll have to watch this movie another couple of times to get it, but I don't think I want to do that.

During the movie, he rested his head on my body, and it felt so nice. However, I didn't reciprocate too much. I don't know what I really want. Thus, the title of this entry. What do I really want?

Pri's home warming thing is tonight, tomorrow night, what ever you want to call it. But, umm...it'll be interesting to see what I can make, with me being so poor. Grrrr.
7.6.04

la vida es bella.

Uyennie made my day. Her (ingles) entry for today, is just LOL funny. Sorry if I sound like an advert, but I really liked it.

Did A day really go by?

It must have, otherwise it wouldn't be the 7th. I'm realizing how much growing up I have to do, still. It never ends.

I'm digging myself a great big hole, and my hope ... well, let's say that my access to hope pipeline is filled with a lot of un-necessary gunk. It's time to go and drano that. :)

More than anything else, at this moment, I need to get back on track: half-hearted efforts at faith, practice, and study, don't get anyone anywhere. It's the same for me. I have become complacent in my life, and I'm realizing how much I hate that feeling. Ugh...not that it's bad to slow down, you need to do that a bit in a fast-paced life, but to stop is to regress, right? So, I must start up again. Whether it's in my faith, or in my practice, or with my exercise, I need to kick-start myself. Because, where there's a will, there's a way. If I decide to make somthing happen, the right thing will happen for me. It will end up that paths I never thought about will be shown to me. Or the path that I was looking at, was actually the one that I need to take.

Anywhoo, I'm in a contemplative mood right now. The Chapter 1 of Discussions on Youth is really good, and I forgot about how much I want to encourage the members here in OC to study. Even though, I don't. Making an effort to go to the Stud meeting on Thursday, hopefully for priyanka's "house-warming" on wednesday, and tomorrow's date with Alex. I'm actually going to go to his house! (Happyness).

Time to get ready for bed. Plan my wednesday plans, and hopefully the thursday study as well.

The panda has spoken, and alas he's feeling like there's more words that should come out.
5.6.04

Gary Jules to my Date in 4 Steps

Tears for Fears to my date in 4 steps:

step one:
Tears for Fears, is one of those synth-pop bands from the eightys. They happened to have written a song called "Mad World." The lyrics of the song are very dark, morose, melancholic, and most of all, depressing. In comparison to the music, the lyrics definitely don't fit. It's a very clashing song. However, back to the story, so, there's this one guy, Gary Jules, who did a cover of this song.

step two:
"Renaissance Man Gary Jules" - VirginMegaMagazine.com

So there's this interesting song I've heard on MTV and over the radio a couple of months back, and I just found out who made it. It's a dark song; very very dark. Fits me well in how I feel at the moment. Maybe it's just because it's depressing. :P. Anyways its from the movie Donnie Darko which is by the way, such a good movie. I need to go out and buy it, along with renting Miracle.

step three:
donnie darko stars Jake Gyllenhaal. Who, by my standards, is a very very good-looking man. He's going to be starring next to Heath Ledger in the movie Brokeback Mountain, about two gay cowboys who are on the "DL" and their tale. He also stars in the movie The Day After Tomorrow

step four:
the day after tomorrow is the movie I saw last night with my date Alex. So, first the movie/theatre commentary. There were several points in the movie that I need to bring up. (1) Umm...the science of it dumbfounds me. (2) The irony of the situation of Americans flooding into Mexico. (3) The VP of the US being a controlling bastard, who happens to controll the POTUS. (4)JH kids shouldn't be allowed in theatres. (5)Most HS kids shouldn't be allowed into theatres. (6)Trying to find parking on a Friday night, near the Edwards, in the AV Town Centre is like trying to get me away from a bar of Toblerone; it just won't happen. (7)I am always an asshole when it comes to being on time. I, again, was late meeting up on my date.

Now for the date commentary, I think that Alex, is pretty much in the same place I am. Though I don't exactly know that for sure. To me it seems like he's a bit (a lot bit) more mature than I. Heck, I'm with uyennie, I'm still quite a bit angsty and definitely a bit highschoolish. I can still tell it. I've been through alot, but I don't feel like I've grown up a bit at all. I still feel like I belong at the kids' table. Alex on the other hand, could it be his acting?, seems to me to have things figured out a bit more. It makes me wonder, how far I've come since I've come to SUA. I can tell that I've progressed a bit, (a lot bit, yet again), but, I still do feel like a child (childish or child-like?).

As for the date itself: movie, On the Border, home. Nothing 'exciting' happened. I do feel more of a connection now to Alex. I don't know why, perhaps I always feel a connection to those people who act or are involved with the stage. I happen to have been on Tech, ya know :P...albeit for only a bit.

RockyMountainNews.com

Hmm...this Bush parallel is interesting.
3.6.04

City swimmer is Athens bound - The Times of India

City swimmer is Athens bound
2.6.04

So, a delayed update

So, I did go out on a date, on Monday night, and it was fun, just a coffee at Starbux. Boy oh boy did I forget that I shouldn't have a latte at 9pm, if I want to sleep by 12am. His name was Alex, from around here, Aliso Viejo. It was nice to actually meet someone...not related to the SGI from around here.

So, this was basically my first 'gay date'. It was a nice one: getting to know each other and I had to get a pizza, so went to Mobtown and managed to get half a slice of the White Cheese pizza, it was a good pizza, so i recommend it whenever you're in town. Talked at the pizza place until Alex noticed they were glaring at us...for being in there while they're trying to close up shop.

Alex seems like a nice guy; he's a bit more flamboyant than me, but that's nothing to be afraid of. He, like most other gays I'd meet at my age, has had a lot more dates and I'm guessing that he's had a longer-term bf or two. That was a comforting thing to me. He went to OCHSA, so he's a very theatrical person, which makes me wonder about him a bit, both good and bad things. A nice guy, overall, so far.

We're going to go see a movie on Thursday night, that's tomorrow ladies and gents, so I expect that I'll have more to update you on tomorrow evening at about 10pm.

In other news, my front-side was lobsterized at the beach monday during the day. I'm still a bit red in my face and still rather red on my chest, but it's slowly fading away. Sunburns hurt!

Other than that, I've been having trouble sleeping because the weather is so warm right now. It's been like 60s or something like that at night and I sleep with the windows open and everything, and still, I sweat a bit and I don't sleep comfortably at night. The good thing is that I've been watching myself and so far, I've not gone to bed past about 1h30am any night since school let out. Yay for sanity in the mornings!

I've started exercising again, and that feels great. Sweating is such a wonderful feeling.

Speaking of which, Lisa K's going to treat me to pho tonight, I'm excited. This new place on Lake Forest Dr, right off the 5. I'll post a review, or something.

I'll write more later on t'night.