S'ok...

I haven't written in almost four days! Better than four weeks, or something of the sort, but I feel like I'm on a good wave or a better one perhaps.

I watched the movie Donnie Darko finally. I think I need to watch it again. I was awake throughout the whole movie, this time. It's amazing how much Jake Gyllenhaal has filled out since then. But, boy, is he still as good looking as ever. It's a very confusing plot, but there's something in it that makes me intrigued.

There was a moment that I thought the main character totally was like Chester, I could see a bit of him in the main character. On the other hand, there's a few scenes that are disturbing for me, so I think I will have some interesting dreams tonight. Hopefully no one-eyed rabbits running around.

I am seriously questioning why I want to get into a relationship. I'm getting more and more to the conclusion that I'm looking for a comfortable place to lay my head. The real question is whether that's what I need. I'm afraid of relationships, that's for sure. I dunno what it is about my own past, or my past's past; however, it is something that bothers me, why is it that I feel that most of my relationships are awkward. Yes, they are deep, but why does it take me a very long time to make a friend?

I am always at a point where I must question myself. But where is that point where I start caring about the problems of others? If I really want to grow, don't I have to start growing outwards? Instead of inwards? Why is it always a question with me? Almost never an answer? Is it that I'm still really more a teen than an adult? Is the adult world always like this?

The good thing about living alone is that I'm being forced to start to develop a life outside of school. SGI activities are actually keeping my sanity. Without something to do on the weekends, during the week, or whenever, working 30~40 hours a week would kill me. I still want to find other activities to do: something like Field Hockey, or somethign that I can easily take up around here. I still need something to do that would create value for me and hopefully for the community.

Greatness won't come to me. I will become great.

What can I do to develop my inner strength? Why am I still up? I must go to Shunji and Herlinda's tomorrow.