On the personal side, I'm feeling blue. In essence, I feel like crap because who I want don't want me back! Heh heh heh. Tepid laughter. Heh. Cough.

Hmm...I guess I'm not really sure of myself because of hisself. I feel that I'm not sure what I'd do if I'd be totally open and talk and do all those things I know I'm eventually gonna have to do. I still so just want to kiss him everytime I see him. It's getting easier and easier. But my self-imposed block is still going to have to stay. I hope he'll understand. I just don't know how I will mend myself without at least starting to talk to him, about him, yada yada yada and the like. (Connundrum...)

Where am I? How did I get here? Where will I go?

These are questions I've been asking myself to my situation.

Where am I? Lost, confused, looking for truth, looking.
How did I get here? I told someone I liked them. I thought, kinda naively, that I could like someone and they'd like me back. Also, I thought, again naively, that he was gay; all "the" signs said yes. He said that he wasn't. Oops. The truth is he didn't like me back. Simple as that.
Where will I go? I don't exactly know, all that I do know is that I'm growing as a person.

Yet, even if I know I'm growing from this situation, I don't exactly know how I'm growing. I have no gauge to see if I'm growing positively or negatively. All that I know is that I'm growing. Is that just it though? Is it that growth is good no matter what direction it's in?

I guess these are things I need to figure out.