Day 7

31 December 2005

During the day we met the Kichi family. Four children, a father and mother. Father is known in the SG around here for his business experience. He’s really awesome—made us superb tomato and basil for lunch. They have three children who are studying at Sodai here in Hachioji. They seemed to be a bit out of it—maybe it was early for them. Heh. We also went to visit the Hasegawas. The Hasegawas are family friends from Yokosuka (there’s an Airbase there). They’ve supported my brothers and I for a long time—they’re kinda like godparents to us. Japan’s New Year’s tradition is the Kohaku. It’s a super-long 5-hour TV bonanza that goes from 7PM to 11h45. From 11h45, all turns very quiet on NHK. It’s actually hilarious…they have the big send-off from Kohaku and then it’s the history of New Year’s celebrations in Shinto tradition—very serene, but hella abrupt.

Day 6

30 December 2005

Went to Miyoko Obasan’s house in Oi-machi with my dad and Miyuki iitoko (cousin) in the evening. Met a couple of SGI members from Switzerland, one who was studying at SUJ as a Ryugakusei (study-abroad student) and another, her friend, from Zurich, as well as a friend of both who doesn’t practice. We had fondue, another oishii.

Day 5

29 December 2005

I was in bed the whole day—sick. Woke-up around 7pm (about 24 hours after I fell asleep the day before) feeling like my passages had cleared up and that I had a lower fever.

Happy New Years and Happy Holidays to all!

I'm in Japan. Whoohoo! Unfortunately, after going to Kamakura yesterday I became sick. My head hurts, and I feel like crap. The plan is to go to my aunt's house, Miyoko's, tomorrow in the afternoon. I'm trying to get better for that. I hope I will be. I want to get outta Zushi and see those Tokyo sights...not that Zushi's bad. I am sleeping tons...and I think we're going to Onsen on 4th and 5th...the day that Ann is planning on being in Tokyo...that sucks. I wonder what we can do about that.

Day 4

28 December 2005

To Kamakura with Setsuko and Yoko Obasan (Aunts). We went to the big Buddha Statue and to several temples and landmarks in Kamakura with some sort of connection with Nichiren. We had okonomiyaki for lunch as well—oishii. Afterwards we went the big park above Zushi at around 3:30 or 4:00 PM. Very sutekii. Fell asleep early at 7pm.

Day 3

27 December 2005

To Shinanomachi in Tokyo, went to Gakkai-honbu (HQ). Had some interesting lunch at Hakubun. Heh—some sort of Ramen.

Days 1 & 2

25-26 December 2005

Leave for Japan; Arrive in Japan…sleep about 2 or 3 hours in between. Up until 12-ish.

I'm going to japan

Shit, I'm going to Japan!

I'm going to be in Japan in less than 72 hours. Wow!

I'm excited. But totally not thinking about it.

To bed

But before I go to bed I have to tell you ONE thing:

Ambient: 60-110 bpm
Techno: 130-160 bpm
Breakbeat: 80-100 bpm
House: 110-130 bpm
Progressiu/Progressive: 140-160 bpm
House progressiu/Progressive House: 120-150 bpm
Trance: 130-170 bpm
Màquina: 150-170 bpm
Jungle: 150-170 bpm
Hardcore: 160-200 bpm

Hao Mingtian A! ?????

http://www.compfused.com/directlink/167/

Recent quote-age

"Buddhism holds that everything is in a constant state of flux. thus the question is whether we are to accept change passively and be swept away by it or whether we are to take the lead and create positive changes on our own intiative. While conservativism and self-protection might be likened to winter, night and death, the spirit of pioneering and attempting to realize ideals evokes images of spring, morning and birth."

"And yet we are forced to acknowledge that the world today is at anything but peace. Rather, having entered the new century, we find ourselves living in a world of ever-greater confusion and complexity, wracked with ominous tension. In the midst of this stifling reality, we hear the insidious voices of despair, counesling us to accept war as an inevitable aspect of the human condition."

"Go, dear friend! if need be, give up all else, and comence to-day to inure yourself to pluc, reality, self-esteem, definiteness, elevatedness; Rest not, till you rivet and publish yourself of your own personality."

"If they answer not to they call walk alone, / If they are afraid and cover mutely facing the wall,... / open thy mind and speak out alone."

"The life we posess as human beings has within it the inherent capacity to transform any hardship or adversity into new flights of creativity. It is our encounters with adversity that, more than anything, enable us to draw forth and unleash this capacity."

"One's-Self I sing, a simple separate person, / Yet utter the word Democratic, the word En-Masse. / Of physiology from top to toe I sing, / Not physiognomy alone nore brain alone is worthy for the Muse, I say / the Form complete is worthier far, the Female equally with the Male I sing."

"Next on Sick Sad World." O! Nostalgia!

The best week ever

Tinki Lala - captain of Killer Pandas! says: haha i wanted to know what ur mom and dad looks like
Tinki Lala - captain of Killer Pandas! says: u guys have distinct looks
Tinki Lala - captain of Killer Pandas! says: like unique
Tinki Lala - captain of Killer Pandas! says: or something like oh yeah, they look different but they do have that reker-ness in them

Quotes that hillarified me today...

"The language thing is tricky," said Thom Lynch, the director of the San Francisco Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center. "I feel sorry for straight people."
--from an online dictionary entry on 'heteroflexible.'

So, today has been an interesting day.

This story from the LA Times interested me...actually...I was happy. Apparently, teaching 'intelligent design' is a form of establishing religion.

I'm also set to go with Hilary tomorrow down to Boulder to help her show the apartment she and Emily are renting to a new guy, a possible roomie for next year. I hope we can catch up on the trip down.

Listening to "Con Te Partiro," for some reason, excites me. I always feel like there's an expanse out there that I am a part of when I listen to that song.

Shucks, it's time to get off the net. I've spent most of the day on here. Haha.

Linkage-ness.

I'm sending out cards soon!

Welcome back to Colorado

Man, that was a long-ass trip back home. I don't think there's any cushion in the backseat of the Acura because I can't sit in that seat comfortably and I even have some natural cushioning.

So while finals hell was over, I'm still dealing with a lot of stuff.

I guess I'll start with what's most recent. This trip back home. Btw, it's freezing cold in Colorado. The trip back home took about 22 hours. That's the longest amount of time I've ever spent driving/on the road. Positive points, we didn't have to drive any ice until we got to Colorado, we didn't have to go over the divide in Colorado, I flirted with our waiter in Albuquerque at Mimi's Cafe and I think I got free espressos outta that, got to drive in the snow for a good couple of hours and in the fog for an hour or so before that.

Before the trip, we went to Tinki's dad's sushi shop. Wow! It's so good. The Japanese food we had there was so awesome. Got back late and I was up late finishing holiday cards to my friends at Soka. I made so many cards in the days before I was starting to lose track of who was getting what card; I hope y'all got the right one. If not you can shoot me when I'm back at SUA.

Before that, I watched one of the best gay movies I've ever seen in my life. Not that your standard gay flick is bad, but this one was hilarious. It's called Nine Dead Gay Guys; it's a British flick that I watched with Brian. I honestly didn't know what to think 'bout the movie. Wow, sarcasm, dark comedy, and oh-so-British comedy. I love it. (shoot that reminds me of Jarvis' "south coast" quote).

Before that, I just chilled. I don't know what it's like to live a life outside of school, but I'm starting to get it....it's boring. Haha. Maybe, it is, maybe it isn't. But it seems to be really quiet.

I don't know what I want and that's something that I've been using to keep myself in a low life condition. I want to have a high life condition. That's what I want to work on while I'm here at home and in Japan. I want to enjoy what there is to see in Japan, as much as I can.

So finals hell is basically over

I knew I would get through Finals week, the question is now rests on the measurment of how well I did. I made a goal of making a 4,0 GPA this semester, and I know I'm close, I hope my finals tip my grades to the positive direction, though I'm not so sure with my Econ Development grade. That class I slacked off on today, I was supposed to wake up early and do the take-home final, but I biffed and slept until 11am and made the final in about an hour. Shieeet! Anyways, I was stupid, I shall not do that again.

Things are looking better. I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude towards life, coming from a place that is truly happy on the inside to be living life. I hope that my determination to live happily in every moment, that I made last week--you know, when I was at my low point--will last. I am happy now, and for some reason during this finals week, I have been.

I am realizing that my days with specific Juniors is coming to an end. I know that Tinki will be back for graduation, I'm so happy. On the other hand, I know that my time with a lot of the Class of 2007 is coming to an end. I'm sad that I may not see some of them ever again; however, I know that we're related through bonds of soka education forever.

I'm missing those from the class of 2005 as well. With Justin working at IT for the few months going into the semester reminded me of the class of 2005. Now that most of the 2005ers have left the campus or that I've gotten used to them being apart of the 'background,' it's like somethings missing. I want to be able to bring that 'something' that 2005 added to the campus back. I hope I can mentor the members of the 2007,08,09 in such a way like those of 2005 did.

Guardian Unlimited Books | News | Art, truth and politics

Guardian Unlimited Books | News | Art, truth and politics

..accomplished

I feel accomplished today--i guess, it should be yesterday. I've made a personal best in the 100 free. It's nothing to really write home about--the actual time, that is--but I feel happy that I did a good swim there. I got a 57,4s in the 100 free and my split for the 4x100 relay was a 57,3s. Not bad. I think these are all-time bests for me.

So, I'm thinking of goals for the next half of swim season.

Sub-55s 100 Free.
Sub-1m10s 100 Breast.
Sub-25s 50 Free.
Sub-2m 200 Free.

That is of course, if I get the chance to do these events.

tired. period. punto.

"I am having a very good day."

"South Coast Plaza, I love you."

"I'm gonna start a Little Saigon in every city. And there will only be Lee's Sandwiches."

--How do they do it? How do they keep their prices so low?
--It's probably because of the immigrants.

--If you don't like spicy food, then you can take the jalapenyos out.
--I'm brown.
-*What?
--I'm Indian, [with a Southern indian accent] we're the epicenter of the spice trade.

oh by the way

By the way, i have a mad desire to hold someone as i sleep tonight. Sigh. Missing that loving feeling.

Things got busy all of a sudden.

I went to competition today. i'm dead. I'm going to bed. Just wanted to tell you guys that I'm alive. That's about it.

Is There a Doctrine in the House? - New York Times

"Promoting democracy is one American foreign policy goal, and rightly so, but when it comes to relations with China, Egypt, Russia or Saudi Arabia, other national security interests must bear equal or greater weight. Moreover, promoting democracy is too difficult to be a truly viable doctrine. In Iraq, where the United States used military force to oust a regime and occupy a country, the costs have been too high and the results too uneven to furnish any kind of model for future operations." (New York Times: 8-XI-2005)

I'm tired...

So today, actually yesterday, now that it's 1am, I had a good day. I'm slowly mentally detaching from y'all know who. It's a needed step to some semblance of normality.

I'm tired...it's been a long day as well. I was beat from swim practice. I have to wake-up at 7am-ish tomorrow, in about 6 hours. It will be a tough week to complete everything I need to do. Sigh. I'm putting things on "the list" and they're getting done. I feel uber motivated and i'm following through. I feel happy because of that. I feel accomplished and that my life is moving at the speed that it should be.

I talked with my parents a bit last night--Sunday--over Skype. I don't think conference calls work so well. It's a nice idea but I don't think it works so well. We'll have to see how the other conference calls go.

The pearl is going to be the thorn in my side. He hablao con la peruana y la japonesa y estamos de acuerdo que ya hay que cambiar algo, sentimos que trabajar en la perla ahora es una pesada, o sea, quiza en otras palabras una pesadilla. Nos pesa y nos cuesta un monton. LaJ y LaP fueron a hablar con la avisora (que es la palabra?) de la perla y parece que todo les haya ido bien con aquella discussion. No he escrito exactamente sus quejas--no los quiero dejar aca--pero son importantes.

I'm ready to go to bed, so I shall.

Zee posting iz hier.

So yesterday was the day. Awesome. Glorious, kinda. But hella fun anyways.

We had the first home Soka Swim meet. I bet siobhan would be so happy. It was a lot of fun. There were three teams involved: Mills College (Oakland, CA), Chapman University, and us--Soka University. It was a three-way meet scored with three dual meets, for the girls, and for the guys it was a head-to-head dual meet. We won! The guys won! I think everyone did a good job in their races. I can see that everyone has improved quite a bit, even from just last week. Really it is all about doing it a few times, until your a bit more comfortable with it (I'm talkin about competing, hier). Personally, I don't think I got personal bests--but I did better than I thought I would on a few races. My events were the 200 Free Relay--anchor position, 200 Medley Relay--free/anchor position, 200 Free, and 100 Breaststroke. The total time for the 200 Free relay was 1:36:00 or something crazy like that--I've never seen that time before. Sadly, I can only say that I anchored the that relay like nothing else--I probably pulled the average time down. Hehe...no really. I swam with Ankur, Nate, and Jarvis--they're definitely faster than I am. The 200 medley was the same people--I want to check out my times to see if I'm getting better in any of them. This meet was the first one where I've swum "individual" events--the 200 Free and the 100 Breast. I did a lot better on the 200 Free than I thought I would: a 2:07 or something like that. I don't even want to know what my 100 Breast time was. What sucked was that the only Chapman guy that was in the event beat me by a second or so. I felt good the first bit and then around yard 75 I just puttered out. Sadly, I think it was a mental breakdown, not being focused on the race at hand that was the leading cause to my defeat there. I started thinking about the race that I would have to do in just one heat--the 200 free relay. I need to keep that in check for any other individual 100 Breasts I do, cuz that's the place it's usually at. Ojo!

So, now to today. The morning started early with an SGI meeting--planning for the November 18th District General Meeting. This was the youth division being crazy and planning out the meeting. I have to speak to Masa Mochizuki btw. Remember this andy, remember! Anyways, we had to plan out the presentation of the part on the Soka Gakkai's history. We worked out what I hope will be an awesome self-reflecting question session. The meeting is on the 20th--in two weeks! Wow! We also came up with bodhisattiva names. Hopefully we can get everyone to make up bodhisattiva names at that meeting too.

I spent a lot of the day studying. I've had a continuous break from 7:45 to now though. We had Indian Curry, made by rekha. May the she be showered with great respect...the food was amazing. Not enough curry, but still it was a gloobery slice of heaven.

Afterwards we watched the Simpsons and Family Guy. I have a new name for "fellatio," by the way: "a trouser-friendly kiss." And right now I just had a bit of El Pollo Loco. I feel good. Like you should on a Sunday.

this is going to be a tough week. There's so much to do. I have a "Final" Capstone Proposal due.

European Standardised English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. Zen ve vil rul ze world!!

Tired.

Today:
-Finish a paper
-Turn it in
-Work
-Swim
-Eat
-Dance.

Questions...

How about a complexified answer. The one exists. But, so do the many "ones." It really depends on who/what you want out of a relationship, I guess. I'm thinking the "one" exists for a lot of people. There's a lot of marriages going around where both partners are faithful and truly have found "the one." On the other hand, you do have a lot of people who are "turned on," and not just in the sexual way, but you know, in the mind and soul kinda way, by many people--I know people who are descent and good people who have had many "ones." I can't say both are really that wrong and that one or the other has been better for either. They've just had a very different history.

Is that what I wanted to say? I think so.

I need to breathe

I feel, much like I do while swimming, that I'm outta breath. But much like in swimming, I guess that's part of the process of becoming a better swimmer. Challenges are so tough this semester, tougher than I expected them to be. Here I am, trying my hardest to find the sunshine. I'm seeing glimmers of it, but perhaps I'm still in the midst of night waiting for the sun to rise. I see it. Barely. It starts with a growing lightness coming from the east. The change is barely noticeable, but the black sky above me has slowly started to turn a deep blue. Oddly enough, it's a warm blue. It's there, I can tell it is, it just hasn't happened yet.

Thoughts

[News recap]
-Strike by SEPTA in Philadelphia. Hmm.
-Alito Jr is the nominee for Justice of the Supreme Court
-Political Crisis in SDP (Social Democratic Party) of Germany
-Methodists remove openly lesbian minister
-No apology and no shake-up, according to the White House
-Koizumi's cabinet shake-up causes anxiety in Japanese Media
-Young man with Asperger's syndrome is the killer in AV

Happy first day of November.

Goals:
*On track with Capstone [11 XI]
*Swimming better [30 XI]

Happy

Happy first day of november.

Hmm...I think 'blah' would be a great word right now.

"So, how are things going?" I got a call from Ellie. It was really nice talking with her. It reminds me how much I miss my alum friends. Wow. I don't know what it is; they're just fucking awesome! :)

I feel somewhat better after hearing ellie's voice even if it was for just a bit.

Did you know that the copier in the 24 started charging for copies again? I didn't.

I got my hair cut. It feels nice to have short hair again and it's better since I'm swimming.

Just wanted to include a photo of my host mother--Fina.

Hmm...

So 58 people died in New Delhi in three syncronized bombings around the city. Wow. It must be jarring to the Delhi-ite psyche and perhaps the Indian psyche as well. To have a major quake disrupt Kashmir and now yesterday/the day before yesterday, to have coordinated bombings in the capital...I wonder how the people will react.

I guess it's the same for Americans. We're experiencing a tough time--I don't know if it's tougher than before--I didn't live in those times. But, the memory of 9/11 still lives on in daily life--the memory that we are vulnerable, that we aren't indestructible, that we aren't untouchable, that our technology and our culture isn't as widely-accepted as we like to think it is. Failures in the White House leadership that have surface as of late--FEMA, Plame, and a few other things--don't encourage a feeling of national unity or that we are becoming better prepared or safer. Society is under social fabric changes as well. Gay men and lesbians are pushing for rights and social conservatives are pushing back as well. Gay marriage is a hot-button issue for social conservatives who now have more political power than say 15 or 20 years ago and can push for restrictions against gay marriage. At the same time, Americans still are dealing with the divisions from the history of racism, slavery, and class division. The New York Times ran a series on class division. We still have the memory of racism and the civil rights struggle around--it still exists in all parts of the US--even overt racism. Rosa Parks died--she will lie in State at the Capitol. Wow. She changed the world. Will we have leaders today who will change the world as she did? There is also the sense that even in political association the American people are very much divided--the Red State-Blue State thing. I wonder how much of it is true when the 'majority' president holds a majority of a few million votes (of less than 3 or 4% of the electorate). Obviously it's not like he has the mandate of a comfortable 55 or 60% of the electorate.

Hmm...I'm rambling on. I just really feel the need for society to change today. I don't know why...but I think I can feel the pressure that society here in the States is going through because I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure too--pressure that I put on myself--crushes, school, life outside of school, soka gakkai, being a good person. I feel slowly that I've lost that grip on control that I had even just a day or so ago. But you know what, it's more like that I'm slowly letting go of that grip rather than 'losing' the grip--that I'm tired of holding on to that grip.

Sigh.

Some kid killed his neighbors--a father and daughter--just across the street from SUA. It made national coverage in CNN. Aliso Viejo has now become a real community.

A day's work

I don't know why I'm so attracted. I don't need to be attracted. But for some reason I am. Is that what Karma is? Is that what fate is? Doesn't that mean that right now, I'm subjecting myself to these forces that sway me--I allow them to sway me? I chant. But not that much. I feel like I need to.

Tired. Tired of a lot of things. I'm tired of feeling unloved--not in the friendship way. That i know I'm very lucky--I have friends that love me and I love them back. They're there for me--I don't even doubt that. Makes me wonder for a second if I should. But, I want to feel what it means when people say they are "in love," with someone--in a manner that is more than just friends.

So today's news round-up:
-Hurricane Beta
-Zorro isn't as good a movie as thought
-Sox celebrate the first win since 1917
-India, Pakistan in talks to open Kashmiri border
-Who will be the next Bush nominee

I do too...

I'm swimming tomorrow at the Cal Baptist Relays:
-Second position/Fly 3x100
-Third Position (150)/Free 50-100-150-200
-Fourth position (A team)/IM 4x100
-Second position/Free 4x100

Ay!

hilarious movie omg...watch only if you have a lot of time.

So, the daily news round-up:
-Meiers is pulled from candidacy. Yay!
-Cancun is still crappy--but americans can go back home.
-The White House is worried about the investigation.

Interesting... i wonder...

So today was a good day. I wrote my Midterm for Econ Development in about two hours. Swam well, ate even better (lasagne and linguini...). Tomorrow is an early swim but other than that, it leaves me with a bunch of time in the afternoon.

I need to focus on my capstone. I'm ignoring it like no other. :(. That is scary. I don't even have any idea of how I want to organize it.

death to powerpoint only cuz it's like stalin anyways.

Duuuuuuuuuh.

I'm off to bed. A life unquestioned is a life unlived?

http://www.economist.com/opinion/displaystory.cfm?story_id=5100493 Hmm.

News

Today has been a busy day for the world:
--People are still suffering in S. Asia. from the quake.
--Cancun is ... gone.
--Parts of florida are also close to being 'gone.'
--Swoopes comes out as a lesbian
--Meiers is under harassment by congressmen.
--Suicide bombing in Israel raises fears of return of indiscriminate killing
AND
--The White Sox sweep the World Series.

Google Search:

Hmm...........d'oh~!

ABC News: ESPN The Magazine: WNBA MVP Swoopes says she's gay

ABC News: ESPN The Magazine: WNBA MVP Swoopes says she's gay Jeesus finally.

Census Looks at How Cities Grow in Daytime

Census Looks at How Cities Grow in Daytime from the Washington Post but by the Associated Press. Seemingly interesting, though I wonder if the premise that this is something new is true.

Under stress

I'm under a load of stress. Going to swimming will help.

I think this is about the time of year when everyone wants to have a break, but we really don't have any sort of break until Thanksgiving. Sigh. I know I need one.

I'm going to JAPAN~!

Flight - United (UA) - 721 Sun 25 Dec 2005

Flight 721
Depart: 8:57 AM Sun 25 Dec 2005
Arrive: 10:34 AM Sun 25 Dec 2005
Denver Intl Arpt (DEN) - San Francisco Intl Arpt (SFO)

Flight - United (UA) - 853 Sun 25 Dec 2005

Flight 853
Depart: 1:00 PM Sun 25 Dec 2005
Arrive: 5:15 PM Mon 26 Dec 2005
San Francisco Intl Arpt (SFO) - Narita (NRT)

-

Reker, Andrew

Flight - United (UA) - 890 Sun 08 Jan 2006

Flight 890
Depart: 4:10 PM Sun 08 Jan 2006
Arrive: 8:45 AM Sun 08 Jan 2006
Narita (NRT) - Los Angeles Intl Arpt (LAX)

Beatbox harmonica

http://louhi.kempele.fi/~skyostil/archive/dump/flash/yuri_harmonica.swf

fuck~!

I feel it. I know my karma is back--the devils are assailing me trying to make me think that I am honestly suffering. I am suffering, yes. I am not joyful at the moment. I fall in love...hard. I don't do anything about it, and yet am still offended when the other...whomever it maybe...(it's someone new, for those in the know) finds someone else to date or to hang out with. I think i'd be the crazy girlfriend-man version.

I'm tired. I have to wake up at 6h00 tomorrow. Please, I want to wake-up. I shall.

CNN.com - Planned neo-Nazi march sparks violence - Oct 15, 2005

CNN.com - Planned neo-Nazi march sparks violence - Oct 15, 2005 It makes you wonder what the world is comoing to today. I'm not sure what it is, but there is internal strife that is slowly starting (perhaps) to manifest itself in society. The weather is becoming more hecktic and violent. We're in a stage of life where we can't really live much longer as we are. There are things that need to change. And all I'm doing right now is reading news in my underwear. I think it's time to wake-up and start taking action.

About That Subway Alert - New York Times

About That Subway Alert - New York Times

With New IPod, Apple Aims to Be a Video Star - New York Times

With New IPod, Apple Aims to Be a Video Star the NYT.

I am gay

It's national coming out day. I just want to make sure to say again that I'm gay. If you got problems with it--well, that's just it, you got problems with homosexuality.

I came out to my parents August of last year and my brothers know, my friends know. Many people would say thatt I'd be done coming out. But, it's not true. Every time you meet someone, you have to decide whether they know or not...whether they'll understand or not. Some people take a while--like I do--to decide, usually if I like you, you'll know soon enough. To those who I don't get along with as well, you may never know. Sometimes, it feels easier to just crawl up in that closet because it's not harsh, it's comfortable and familiar, you've been there before, you can always give up and just fall right back in.

Sometimes, I have.

In my moments of weakness--where the pressure to fall into your gender role has gotten to me--I've fallen back in the closet. Seems so odd for me to say--I don't consider myself a closet-case, yet I know that I've been back there in that closet, shut-up and smarting again from the pain that comes with one of your friends saying "I have a few gay friends, but I don't really support what they do."

I've also gone through moments of courage--moments where I've proudly stated I'm gay, or even just meekly stated "I'm gay," when a moment before, I thought I couldn't even mouth the words. When I told my parents--or every few months when my mom asks "When are you going to bring a girlfriend home?" and the moment that follows when my mom's dreams are broken again when I tell her I won't be bringing a girlfriend home--the one who I'll be bringing home will probably be taller than I am, and perhaps even gayer than I am.

I still have yet to experience a life outside of the protected world that is Soka--this warm, yet small and sometimes confining bubble where I can be andy--as idosyncratic, flippant, feminine, or asian as I want to be--many times within the same moment, even. I can do the asian thing one day, the gay thing the next, the IB (ahem, the IBS) thing the day after, and still be a Soka student. However, what it's like outside of this bubble, I dont' know if I'm ready for it.

As a child, I remember visiting one of my family's friends in a small town in Kentucky. When my family walked into a Golden Corral for dinner one night in the great state of Kentucky with our family friends--a family that happened to be white and filipino--the people in the restaurant just stared at us--even while we ate our dinner! They must have just been shocked that a Japanese family could have a nice dinner with a white woman who had two mixed filipino kids, another white daughter and the daughter's white boyfriend. I don't know if I could face that scrutiny. I may not have to experience that as a gay man. I may just never walk into a golden corral. Their food sucks anyways.

Speedo Cup

Here's a list of the teams that will be at Speedo Cup in November. Wow~!

Alaska Fairbanks
Unatt / Azot
Air Force
BYU
Cal Baptist
Chapman
CMS
Col State
CPSLO
La Verne
LMU
Nevada
New Mexico
Occidental
Pepperdine
San Jose State
Soka
Stanford
U San Diego
UC Davis
UC Irvine
UCSC
UCSD
Unatt / Ventura

Still exhausted

But feeling better than I was this morning.

Exhausted...

I'm bit exhausted from all the homework and papers that have been on my mind this week. I'm also worried about capstone. I have no clue what I want to do with it. I'm stuck between two ideas. I need to chant about a lot of things. You know, I had a good amount of happiness earlier this week--even though I had a lot of things going on, I was not suffering from them, but today, and yesterday, a bit more suffering than I expected even though I've had less of stuff. Again, I need to chant.

The new Kanye West videos are awesome~! I know I sound so white-washed saying that, but it's true. I think I have a lot of respect for him, though I don't really understand what or why he says what he says sometimes.

Ricky Martin's new video is hot. Though, I don't think the song is that interesting. Eye candy~! :D Hehe...I think I'm turning gay-er day by day.

Quotes from tonight--Grosse Point Blank

"Psychopaths kill for no reason. I don't kill for no reason--I do it for money. Wait, I didn't mean it like that."

"Me? Go G? On you?"

"I am at home with the me...this is me breathing."

"I'll go put these in some rubbing alcohol."

--I should've brought my gun
--What?
--It should be fun

The best line:

--You know what you need?
--Huh?
--Shakubuku.
--What's that?
--A swift kick in the karmic butt.

Tinki--"You wrote all that with your finger?"

Serenity

Heh. I love all the random 'asian' in Serenity--the chinese for instance. It is perhaps stereotypical and slightly bigoted based on some perspective you could take of the movie, but I secretly thought it was hilarious. I'm sure that the writer/director wanted to emphasize the fact that chinese will be an important feature of the future.

I went to the movie with Brian. What a sweet guy. I've definitely got a crush on him. I'm not ready to really say that to him or really accept it myself, but I know I got one. :P. Shoot. Grrr. Sometimes it's hard to live life without being hard on yourself or hard on others. But, right now, I'm doing all that I can do.

I'm happy with that--though at moments my thoughts aren't thus. Flip-flopping as much as the conservatives said that Kerry did. :S...that's probably not a good thing. But this battle with suffering is becoming more important everyday--I also know that I will win.

I want to see a happier world. Olivea gave a short report on the YD meeting last weekend. Man! It reminded me of what Nagashima-san's words, especially those of fighting for justice. I was also reminded of Nathan's visit here a month or so ago--where he said that the real structure of societies are revealed in times of crisis. Obviously, we've revealed what the US society is truly like--there is still class oppression, racism--perhaps, and definitely a gap between the rich and the poor. Hopefully this has stirred us to make changes in our enivironment.

I think I'm goin crazy.

I'm not going crazy in the normal way of going crazy. i'm thouroughly enjoying life. Yet, something seems missing. I'm envious of those who have someone to share life with. I just talked a bit with Emily. She said that with her boyfriend, she doesn't ever have to live up to a standard. That's what I feel like I've been doing with my dates--I'm living up to a standard, maybe not theirs, but mine. I've never felt really comfortable with them--at least not as comfortable as I expected I would be. Perhaps it's because I've never been in to them...maybe.

Who am i most comfortable around? My brothers, more so than my friends sometimes. But that's kinda expected I guess. My friends are there--maybe they'll be there 10 years down the road--50 years even. Brothers though, I never really expect will ever be out of my life. that's not to say I haven't made life-long friends here at SUA, I have, but the bond with brothers seems so strong.

So, I guess what does that mean for those that I want to date? Am I truly comfortable around them? No. I guess they bring up my insecurities, the 'quirks' about myself seem to come up when I get a crush. I know that I go crazy when I'm in crush. Perhaps it's because i am still always 'looking' for mr. right. I think I put all of my expectations for my future into one person, perhaps it's not right to do that. That's how I work--yet I imagine that I shouldn't focus on what's not going to last, and focus on that which will last.

I'm listening to "Con te partiro" right now, wow~! What song!

Life I guess is a bit difficult. My life right now, though it may be tough, is something that is worth living. Do I truly believe that? Am I just saying it to be bettering my mind? I don't know what I do sometimes. It bothers me that I don't always know what I'm thinking, or morespecifically why I'm thinking that. Tiziano Ferro is hot! So are the swimmer boys. Hehe. I wonder what the think-tank girls are thinking right now? Swimmer boys, what would they think if they knew that there's guys eying them all the time...tony and I >;).

I'm tired. I should get h20, but I'm so tired that I don't even want to go downstairs. I want to sleep. In the last three months, I've met 3 brians. Only one has been a crushed-upon, but I thought that it was a funny factoid. Left that crush for now. (pat on the back). things with the previous crush are going okay. I think life paths are slowly departing. La meva sortida es a <<<>>>. I don't think there's any odd feelings.

Lost is the best show in the world--at least right now. Bjork is awesome. I heart her. Not really 'heart' heart her. I want to be caressed, touched, kissed, and loved. Someone who can do all that and wants to get to know me, yay, i'd love that ;). Sadly, my life feels as if there's a large pop influence in it. I want to leave the pop influence behind and go for more experimental stuff.

Finland Again Ranks First Among Global Competitors - New York Times

Finland Again Ranks First Among Global Competitors - New York Times: "'High labor market rigidities, and, in particular, the ease of hiring and firing, contribute to explaining why Europe lags behind U.S. performance,' Beatrice Weder di Mauro, an economics professor at Mainz University, wrote in a paper for the forum." If that isn't a sign of cultural globalization--I don't know what is.

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | House leader and Bush ally indicted on fundraising conspiracy charge

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | House leader and Bush ally indicted on fundraising conspiracy charge: "George Bush suffered a significant blow to his already problematic second presidential term when a key Republican, Tom DeLay, majority leader in the House of Representatives, was indicted by a grand jury. "

We live amongst people, yet we die alone.

I really think I need to understand the sufferings of birth, old age, sickness and death. I want to know what it means to be alive. I am floating in my own ignorance. I'd like to find out what it means to live. I want to find what it means to love and be loved back. I want my love to be returned--thought it's only a requirement for partners and boyfriends and the like.

What do I want to find in a boyfriend, in a lover, in a partner?
-He has to be able to listen?
-He's gotta be willing to compromise?
-He has to laugh at my jokes--even if they are laughs of 'how stupid?'
-He's attractive.
-He's motivated.
-He likes sports--any of them.
-He is true to himself as well as true to others.
-He loves the outdoors as much as he loves the indoors.
-A movie is as appealing as a concert which is as appealing as the beach which is as appealing as the trails. Just some thoughts.
-If he spoke spanish, chinese, japanese, french, german, russian, arabic, italian, or hindi it'd be really nice.
-If he spoke them all, that'd be heaven. ;).

New music

Here's some new music that's got my attention:
-Amerie/One thing
-rob thomas/this is how a heart breaks
-anna nalick/breath (2am)
-howie day/collide
-josh kelley/only you
-kelly clarkson/ all of her stuff...though like I said, that cd should be called "fuck you!"
-shakira y alejandro sanz/la tortura
-el canto del loco/zapatillas
-green day/the whole cd
-juanes/"mi sangre"--the whole cd

Here I am, once again...

Not "torn into pieces," but in the IT Lab. Whoa, it's different to be here once again after such a long time.

I don't know what to think about Katrina. A million homeless people. The inefficiencies of the Federal government. There is a feeling that there is something wrong, yet no one can really find where the source lies. I think perhaps it lies within us. In the New York Times, I saw an article that compared the emergency management protocols of Virginia and New Orleans/Louisiana. What seemed most important to me was that in the case of Virginia, though they maybe forceful, the thought is thinking about the safety of those who are in harm's way. Not just those who can leave or those who have the ability to leave. There's busses that are set-up to run people out of neighborhoods--those who don't have cars or aren't physically capable of leaving danger areas; as well as having a list of people who don't own cars. It's even a 'republican' area! Heart-less, no.

What bothers me though, is that we've know that these areas are where there is mass poverty. Where they live is mass, minority poverty too.

From 9News.com

: "Detractors have said she is demoralizing the troops and using her son's death to push a liberal platform. " Umm, you know what, I thought that what really mattered was that war is something that should be treated with respect. When, war was one of the aims of the current administration, from the get-go, and if the current administration preaches that it is a conservative government, than i say it's something that I'd be happy with. I don't want to have a president who doesn't know how to react to disasters, to care for citizens of the country, and who seeks war with others. Yay~! Nathan just stopped by. Whoa~! So much conversation:). I miss 05ers!

I watch the news and feel numb-er

What's going on in New Orleans is horrendous. I really don't think that there was enough thought that went into getting the poor out of the city after the hurricane. Mayor! Why move from the city? Do you not want to be close to the citizens whom you're trying to get out? Do you act as a capitain who'll go down with his ship? Until everyone gets out before you do? Governor? How can you help the citizens of your state to get to safe, clean conditions?

The Secty. of Homeland Security is talking right now on the news about restoring 'law and order' to the affected areas in N.O. but right now it's honestly not just restoring law and order but what you have to do is start getting supplies and medical aid into N.O. Both have to happen, not just creating 'law and order'. Now is the time that people have to take action.

More than anything else, my prayers are there in New Orleans, in Mississippi and in Alabama.

Wonder

The last day of the month. Already?

Seeing all this stuff from Hurricane Katrina on TV, I can say that I can't imagine what it'd be like to see all of your city flood away, like those who are in New Orleans or to see all of the coast wiped-away, like along the Mississippi and Alabama coasts. What would it be like to know that you evacuated and that you don't know what to do for housing for the next 4 or 6 months or a year?

What has happened to this large metro area? They say 1 million people are displaced. Has a natural disaster like this ever happened? What is the mood there in New Orleans, Mississippi and Alabama? What would it be like to know that you can't go back. Your house is probably never going to be seen in the way you left it.

I can imagine what is going through the minds of those who are looting, but what keeps them there? Are you planning on making it through the whole time there in NO?

For those who know people in N.O., my mind, heart, and prayers are there with you. Until you find out the safety of your loved-ones, please keep safe, keep calm as much as possible, and I hope you get into contact with them.

Fun daze.

I'm in a daze. Slightly. I'm not really in a 'school-y' mode. It's confuzing to be back. But only slightly. I think it's because I haven't really started schoolwork yet. When I will be writing later today, then probably it'll feel like school's started.

.andy.

welcome to capstone

the new requirements are below. It's very different.

It was nice to hear from Ellie. I wonder why the others don't call...:P.

Umm...where did they go. I love having a big room in 300, but I hate it because there's so many places for my notes to hide.

MAX 30~50 Pages. NO minimum.
Fall is the organization/proposal semester. Spring, research and writing.
University-wide rubric.
A grade of "D" will probably pass.
Capstone 390 will be divided into 3 modules: thinking & reflecting; research; understanding.

It seems like everything is off for the better.

Ko is weird. He laughs at his own jokes. Weird.

There are too many '05-ers around. If it was just Eddie and Jacky with ocasional Ko and being in class with Vincent, Amy, and Stacey...that would be fine. But this is whacko. I'm glad Uyennie is coming~!

YAy!

Anyways, i'm tired. 'night all.

Arrival was fun

I have arrived to SUA.

It's already been a blast and I've been up on late nights. It doesn't feel like a saturday. Maybe something more, maybe something less.

Mmmm...updates may be few and far between for now. I'm betting that I won't have a good schedule until Tuesday to start updates and stuff.

But either way, mucho amor.

Last nights....

Spending the last night here in Colorado for a while. It will be interesting to see how much I have grown this summer, if at all.

Hockey.

Sonic and Big City.

Hon-kan Video.

A full night.

A nice evening

Tonight I caught up with a long-time friend. He's one of the other "fortune babies" from Northern Colorado. He called us up earlier today saying that he was in town visiting a friend and was wondering if he could swing by, chat, and catch up on things. We had world peace prayer earlier in the morning, so we told him after we go out to dinner, he could come by any time.

It was nice catching up with him. He's grown up a lot. He's got beard and has frazzy (dare I even say 'kinky') hair all over. He's an awesome guy and us kids talked for a long time. Several hours about many things. It reminded me a bit of what President Ikeda chronicles in his Youthful Diary, with the discussions and the dialogues and discussions that the youth of post-War Japan were making/doing. It was nice to talk to James and to see how much he had found a mission and is really studying hard in what he loves. I am glad to know that he's on his path.

Seeing him with such a mission in his mind, clear and very much at the fore of his thoughts, reminded me that I am still not that clear on what I want to do. I really have to push myself to know what my mission is, what my mission for kosen-rufu is, to really know what my passions are. There was an experience by a 26-year-old Boulder SGI member that really encouraged me to find my passions. She gave an experience about learning what her passions really are and how that plays out into finding who she really is and what she really cares for. She wants to be a student at SUA. I want to support her as much as I can.

Furthering

Don't we three look cute in this photo ;)?

Hmm. I've started saying 'bye' to people now. This last 24 hours have been the first "g'bye"s I've had to give. First it started with Beau late last night (early today). A beautiful send-off if I do say so. But, I'm still at a loss of what to do. Then, I went to field hockey today with David. There, I had to say "goodbye" to Tammy and Jesse. Jesse, David and I went to this cool grill place at the new building on the SE corner of Laurel and College. Yum! I hope they stay in business.

It's tough to come back. Mostly because you know you have to return to wherever you came from.

I wonder how many of the people I've met this summer, I will see again.

I want to stay in touch with many. The question is "Will I?"

Tomorrow, the fam will be going out to dinner. We'll be going to celebrate our last few days here. Sunday night dinner at Red Lobster shouldn't be bad. I'm expecting it to be fun. We leave on Tuesday morning, hopefully early. Last Field Hockey will be on Monday night. It's sad, very sad.

Moments like these...

deserve to be captured with a Canon SD300

I think that's it...

I'm feeling scared of something, maybe even being scared of nothing. But I can feel it, yet agin.

Packing is a biotch.

What would be on my 'crawl' today: A 10th 'planet,' a miraculous crash in Toronto, Democrats have a strong showing in Ohio, 14 US Soldiers die in Eraq, Eran proposes to restart nuclear programme, Mother confesses to killing 9 babies at birth in Germany.

I got $25 Starbucks card, dare me to drink it all tonight?

Myspace is dangerous. Please don't let friends Myspace alone.

StumbleUpon! is also dangerous. It's an addictive substance that should be brought under control by the Surgeon General.

Just a general 'hello' to all. Happy to hear from many of you by MySpace Comments and messages.

Update: Feeling better

Well, what can you do about being in a foul mood except get over it? I guess that's what happenes when you're an SGI buddhist ;P.

I went to a meeting tonight that was a planning meeting slash 'going-away' party for me and David. It was so nice. (1) There were nice things said to us by all the members there, the ones that have known us from lil' babies to those who just started practicing. Strokin the ego. But also, heartfelt words of encouragement and advice--"Don't party too much~!" (2) Cheesecake. (3) Hopefully we rekindled the activities in Loveland as well as reconnected with old members who have fallen by the wayside.

Nestor Torres is coming to the SGI Denver Spanish-language conference next month. I wish I could see him perform. It would be awesome to see him perform in Denver con toda la gente hispanohablante (in Denver with all the Spanish-speaking members). Oh well, wish them a great conference and great YPG. SGI-Denver is making strides...

Interfaith Festival isn't going to happen for Denver YPG. Sadly, there was a mix-up and miscommunication and therefore YPG won't be performing. I wanted to go. I guess YPG here isn't as strong as it is in LA. I will chant so an opportunity like this will not go missed again.

I will be going to Japan during Winter Break. I am excited and anxious at the same moment. Thinking of travelling to see cousins I haven't seen in almost 10 years, I am nervous to see if we are still compatible. I must build confidence in myself, because well, honestly, I've done this before, I shouldn't have any doubt in my ability to mingle and mix and make friends in a foreign country again.

As lazy as today was, I am starting to feel the crunch of the last few days before I go back to Soka. I'm a week from returning. Scary~!

I can't say if i'm feeling happy right now

I've come to feel like I've lost something in the last eight months I've been in the States. There was something about being able to make it in a foreign country, make friends, attend SGI activites, get along without looking like a tourist, that helped me forge an inner confidence. Slowly though, over the last months that I've been back, I am again at the point where I don't feel like I have that confidence anymore. It's part of my karma and I still have yet to challenge it and overcome it properly. At least I've recognized it for what it is though. That's a major step.

Hockey

I've decided to update everyone on what's been going on with me since I'm not that reachable and no one seems to use MSN anymore. So here it goes.

I love Colorado.

It's really the combination of extremes that I think I like. As much as everyone complains about the 107F or 108F summers and the -2F or -3F winters, I like the contrast of every season and every moment. The last few weeks have been exemplary of Colorado, weather-wise: we've had the dog days of 107F highs and 78F lows and then followed a few days afterwards by a high of 77F and a low of 55F.

The drastic isn't only found in the weather but also in the geography: the high mountain valleys, the ravines of the plains, the flat pancake land of the borderlands near Nebraska and Kansas as well as the 54 fourteeners (54 mountains with a height of 14 000 ft + above sea level).

The photos above were taken at Rocky Mountain National Park, just an hour's drive from my house. We went up there when a sophomore from David's Class (C/o 2008), Tagawa Shinichi [aka Tagashin].

So, the FC Field Hockey Teams (Adults: D.F. Hippies [dirty frikking hippies]; U19 Girls: Inferno/Fuego) went down to the Springs for the Rocky Mountain State Games/State Games of America Field Hockey competition. The FC teams both got fourth place, though for the adults that's a last place finish. The girls did awesome in their first three games, but in their last two, the other teams scored first so, unfortunately they became flustered and lost. :(. It was a fun three days down in the Springs.

We stayed at the house of one of the officials. His name is Larry and his house is very good-looking. I guess he's a solteron, becuase it seemed like there was only him in the house.

It was warm there on the pitch though. It was a field of FieldTurf and all the black rubber pellets [peelots] warmed up the field to plenty hella hot! I think I was definitely baked most of the days we had FH games. Even just being out there and watching the girls play was hellish at moments. Nonetheless, those were the conditions that most of the atheletes had to play in so I can't complain.

To Ellie: Congrats~! You're really a teacher now. Though you are taking that huge step into crafting the minds of children, don't be afraid to make mistakes and learn how to be a better teacher. You know, I'm sure you'll be everyone's favorite anyways.

To Jess: Thanks for the card. It's a very good likeness of me. If I don't say so myself ;). And please before August 11th, send me a 4 to 6 page essay on umm...what can I make you write about...the relevance of Harry Potter in today's world, answering ONE (1) of the following three promts:

(1) To what extent does the Harry Potter series affect children's learning styles in elementary school?

(2) Why is Harry Potter such a loved character, even among university students?

(3) Pure conjecture: how will Harry Potter die?

Remember, grammar counts, but a clear, coherent, thoughtful response will earn the most points.

;)

To Pili: Whoohoo! One of the SGI members here in my hometown works for a Christian comapany, she says it's one of the best places she's ever worked, at least with respect to the camaraderie that they have among themselves.

To Allie: Thank you for the call. Sorry I wasn't there to pick it up. I was out with friends from here in colorado and playin field hockey at the time. :(

To Ann: Whoohoo~! Nippon!

Do you have a dirty mind? - ebaumsworld.com

Do you have a dirty mind?

Fourteen Defining Characteristics Of Fascism

Fourteen Defining Characteristics Of Fascism IS it odd...or am I just thinking things loook slightly like...........this? here in the US of A?

Jury Duty

So I was summoned for jury duty this last Wednesday. Man, it was really interesting.

The trial was for the charge of "Reckless Driving resulting in Bodily Injury." The defendant was a older man who was driving northbound on the NW Frontage Road of I-25 and turned in front of another vehicle--a pickup--headed southbound on the NW Frontage Road. As the truck turned infront of the pick-up, the driver of the pick-up swerved and slammed the brakes. They ended up in a head-on crash where a witness said that he saw the back end of the pick-up lift-up and slam down during the crash.

Some thoughts

I'm watching Newsnight with Aaron Brown right now and I want to post some comments on what I'm seeing. BTW, Newsnight is one of my favourite shows, though I usually don't watch it at 20h00 when it's on 'live,' but at 23h00 when it's on replay.

They're saying that the London suicide-bombers were from decently well-off families, rather well educated, one even a science student. It reminded me of the reason that Soka exists. We have to be able to inject humanism into education. Obviously these attackers were not coming from poor neighborhoods and were uneducated and "easily-led." They were people who had belief that weren't that different from what the common people have. Though they must have been led down a path towards radical/super-conservative Islam, they came from a background that doesn't have a strong basis in humanism obviously. With education that teaches true respect for all life, I doubt that there would be such acts of horrible terrorism.

A thought, passes through my mind: what is soka education? how do I put soka education into my life, instill it to the depths?

The New York Times > Technology > Multimedia > Video

The New York Times > Technology > Multimedia > Video: "Guest Video: The iPod Flea Ad"

Ugh...

It's too warm.

33C, right now as I type. It's so warm. Too warm!

In other news, I watched a movie with Beau. Cuddled and that's about it. "What is love?" This question keeps on popping into my mind as I think about him and as I go over to his place. Another question also pops up: "what is truth?" This question because, as of now, my mom is still most definitely wanting me to have a girlfriend. She believes I am confused, or at least that's what I'm lead to believe. I know my parent's wouldn't send me to an ex-gay camp--we're not Christians--but she uses Buddhism to basically say "I won't believe you." Sigh. So "what is truth?" (Is the de-capitalization of truth/Truth significant here?, I doubt.)

Anyways, I'm going to go put myself in a freezer so I can cool off. Ta' Luego.

Off the Podium - Newsweek Society - MSNBC.com

Off the Podium - Newsweek Society - MSNBC.com: "In truth, New York'ss Singapore swan song was closer to fiasco than triumph. Despite a final presentation to the IOC that observers agreed was stirring--"our city needs these games in 2012," Mayor Michael Bloomberg told the delegates. New York outlasted only the muddled Moscow bid in the voting and, with just 16 votes, finished behind not only the 2012 winner London and runner-up Paris, the consensus pre-vote favorite, but a third European capital, Madrid, too. In Olympic parlance, that's not gold, silver or bronze, but off the medal podium."

So, Beau (*yes,* that's his hame) update: [It's ?ironic? or maybe just a coincidence, c'est mon beau, ce que il s'apelle Beau]

First date: Starbucks @ B&N, Rising Cane's (You should try it if you're in the Fort-right after Rutgers and College headed North, Kitty-corner from Whole Foods, and in front of the Enterprise Rent-a-car), Wal*Mart, and then his place to watch a movie. Couldn't go to bed because of the caffeine from the double-shot latte and was thinking about him.

Second date: Fourth of July fireworks and Perkin's. It was nice to watch fireworks in town. For some reason (probably the excitement of watching fireworks with someone), I liked the show--even with the drunks, the children screaming everytime a firework went off, and a 20-minute only show. I've thought more about him since that date.

Now: Hmm, I don't really know what's there. I know I'm comfortable around Beau. I don't know what I'm doing starting a relationship when I'm going to be leaving in about a month, but I am only hoping for the best. I think I may spend the night at his place tonight. We'll see what happens.

In other news, there is not much news. I got my financial aid packet. This will be the first year I take out a loan, for $5'500. I'm scared to take on debt, but I'm helping to finance my own future, a first. It's kinda exciting and at the same time it makes me somewhat nervous. I still have to decide which lender. I'm also planning on getting the CitiBank Dividend MasterCard, so I may just go with CitiBank then.

I went to Espresso di Cinotta yesterday and had an awesome Frappelate. Yumm~! Free with purchase of $20 + at Sunflower Market, so I dived in.

Oh, my car's getting fixed as we speak, so I've been car-free for about 24 hours. I'm amazingly not going through withdrawl.

That's it for this update. I will update more constantly. Y'all are so cool. I think you guys are doing a lot more cooler things than I am, out there, outside of Soka.

Thoughts

From the past few days, some thoughts:
-I wonder how well I play field hockey. I really wonder whether it's just the social aspect of the game here in the FtC, but I wonder how I stack up compared to others. I also wonder how I compare to what I could be if I played year-round.
-What is the world going to be like when I'm 80 years old? How about when I'm 100 y.o.?
-Do I deserve someone who loves me?
-Do my actions follow what I say I want?
-What am I going to do about this Capstone!?!?!
-I wonder when the CSU library is open?
-Do I really think I can improve my game in field hockey?
-Do I act flirty with girls?
-Do I confuse girls? Is it because I'm gay?
-What is the meaning of "pride"?
-What does having muscular and virile men gyrate on floats and drag queens have anything to do with my sexuality?
-How do I improve my life?
-How do I encourage those around me? My brothers, the ymd here, the members in my districts.
-What does it mean to love? what does it mean to lust? what does it mean to let-go?

An update by andy-pandy.

So,

Accreditation will help my chances to get a job and then go to grad school right? Yay! I'm happy that I'm now enrolled in a fully-accredited school. I was wondering how long it would take them to get to this point, and you know what, I'm pleasantly surprised. I can't imagine what Tomoko Takahashi must be feeling right now. She's been completely victorious in her efforts to get accredited.

I got to talk for a long time with my dad and mom last night after coming back from a meeting down in Loveland. It was really nice to just sit and talk. I guess I haven't done that for a while. My brothers were both out--Eric watching movies and getting back at like 2am, and David went to starbucks and met one of his friends, David D., and I guess that the just hung out a bit.

I'm planning for a buddhist youth meeting and boy is it hard to get my motivation up. There's no youth division here. And while I'm here for another 2 months or less, I want to get the ball rolling on them having good, meaningful meetings every month or every two weeks. There's got to be some study component, but I'm not sure if my understanding of the Goshos are deep enough to get people to become excited about studying the goshos and President Ikeda. Who knows, maybe we'll be able to have some fun then too.

Anyways, I'll write y'all some more later.

Haha, quotes from Barcelona:

"You can't be friends with someone after they tell you God wants you to marry them." -J.
"You'll go to Ikea with me to do sit-ups?" -M.
"'My dad's brother used to have a lot of sex so they kept him in the basement?!?!'" -J., yet again.

A patient night

I went out to Alley Cat to see Salem off. She's going to Japan tomorrow and tonight would be the last time I'd see her in 3 weeks. She has got an amazing list of places to go: Nagoya, Tokyo, Kansai, Osaka, Kyoto. I swear that that's too many places to go in 3 weeks! I also saw Chris P. for the first time in at least 4 years, probably a lot longer. I don't keep in touch well with those friends I had in JHS, so probably the last time I saw Chris was in 9th grade, after I went back on one of the days that IB had off and JH didn't.

I also found this great song with some lyrics that kinda fit the mood I'm in by the Spanish lady--Amaral, "El universo sobre mí":
Quiero vivir, quiero gritar
Quiero sentir el universo sobre mí
Quiero correr en libertad
Quiero llorar de felicidad...

Quiero vivir
Quiero sentir el universo sobre mí
Como un náufrago en el mar
Quiero encontrar mi sitio,
Solo encontrar mi sitio.
[Translation:
I want to live, I want to scream
I want to feel the universe over me
I want to run free
I want to cry tears of happiness

I want to live
I want to feel the universe over me.
Like a shipwreck in the sea,
I want to find my place,
Just to find my place.]

Mmm, so as bad as that sounds in ENGLISH, it's pretty cool in Castellano.

After Stonewall Productions | Dangerous Living

I like this quote: “My sexuality is my own sexuality. It doesn’t belong to anybody. Not to my government, not to my brother, my sister, my family. No one.”

Anyways, that said, today has been an interesting day. I have done little, I woke up late, and I'm starting to get in that "summer zone".

I realized that I have a lot to do over this summer vacation. I have to start swimming again, for sure. I also have to start preliminary research on Capstone. I'm so afraid of it. I was chanting tonight just to come up with topics in Capstone that I'm interested in. We'll see what becomes of them. So far, several ideas I have for capstone:
-Comparison of EU and NAFTA treaties in promotion sustainable development/consumption
-Comparison of public policy of sustainable dev/cons b/w US, Japan, and Chile? (These three chosen because of assumed relatively high levels of economic development).
-Third-world sustainable development/consumption comparisions. (Africa, Latin America, S and SE asia, and China)
Anyone want to comment on these, esp for an Int'l Studies concentration?

Umm, so, in other news. I think I'm going to go to State Games for Field Hockey in July. Now to make enough money. :D

Myspace.com

Zach Hmm. I know that this kind of thing still goes on but, I didn't realize how much it is still 'alive' here as a practice in the States. It's different when there's a human face, one so young, that you can relate to.

Military files murder charges in Iraq killings - Iraq's New Chapter - MSNBC.com

Military files murder charges in Iraq killings - 'Fragging' - MSNBC.com Umm, the fact that there's people who even CONSIDER fragging their officers in this war, to me, proves a point.

The Interactive Truth - New York Times

The Interactive Truth - New York Times: "We have a fresh taste for documentaries. Any novelist will tell you that readers hunger for nonfiction, which may explain the number of historical figures who have crowded into our novels. Facts seem important. Facts have gravitas. But the illusion of facts will suffice. One in three Americans still believes there were W.M.D.'s in Iraq.
And that's the way it is. "

Squelching Public Broadcasting - New York Times

Squelching Public Broadcasting - New York Times: "More than government support, the public's faith and donations could be threatened if audiences sense the Republicans are succeeding with an ideological putsch.
Republican lawmakers insist that the budget cuts are only one of many sacrifices required for fiscal discipline - a truly laughable contention from a Congress that has broken all records for deficit spending and borrowing."

At Albertson's Gas Station on College/287 and Wilcox. 

So here's a photo from Field Hockey on Thursday.

Of course, this is from the Harris field. This is after it had been raining on us the whole time we were playing hockey. Man, I love playing Hockey!!!. It's such a nice feeling after you're done.

*akechan* in NC for the summer...I finally got a job! yay! says:
once again, i am stuck with the gay men
*akechan* in NC for the summer...I finally got a job! yay! says:
even across the country
*akechan* in NC for the summer...I finally got a job! yay! says:
damnit
*akechan* in NC for the summer...I finally got a job! yay! says:
i try and get away
*akechan* in NC for the summer...I finally got a job! yay! says:
and something always happens
*akechan* in NC for the summer...I finally got a job! yay! says:
and here we are

Photo of the day

Trying to get Maachan to eat his veggies!


It's really a lot harder to get David to eat his veggies than it seems.

So today our Obaachan took us out to lunch--us being Maachan, Kochan, and I. We went to the Pho-Duy place on Drake (near Shields) and enjoyed it a lot. We started at a very Spanish time: 15:05 is when we began to eat. We didn't finish until almost 15:45. I got a No 4 'regular' size bowl, which is a VERY LARGE bowl, with rare steak, well-done flank, tripe, and tendons. I don't think there was anything else in that bowl, but it was REALLY good. I enjoy Pho every time I have it.

Before that we went up to Horsetooth (Reservoir) to take some photos of the scenery up there and to take some photos of us (Maachan, Obaachan, and I) and then we were to meet Kochan for lunch. Kochan went down to Devil's (?)Backbone(?), near the mouth of Big Thompson Canyon in Loveland to go MtB-ing with his friend. Kochan popped one of his tires and had to hike back the 3 miles to the Trailhead. Sounds like it was not so fun. Meh. It sounded fun, until he got to the popping part. :).

Anyways, photos of Obaachan, David, and I are below. Hope you enjoy.

Building clouds. ??????????????

Maachan?Rockstar. ???????????

El párquing/The parking lot on Centennial Rd.

Obaachan and I. (This smile I dis-like, but whatever, it's a nice shot of the day...a bit mid-day-ish though, i got shadows under my eyes). ??????Horsetooth Lake??????????????????????????????

Obaachan.
????????????????
????

Tired

I'm tired. Really, not in a metaphysical or emotional sense, just plain physically tired. I will be to bed before midnight, which hasn't happened in a while. But before that, I want to blog a bit.

I finally went to see Star Wars today with Hil and Matt. The movie was better than the first two episodes, but that still leaves much to be better at. Special effects were awesome, like usual. Story, meh, better than 1 and 2, but still not so cool. Hayden Christiansen: a thumbs down for the acting job. I don't think he interprets the role correctly for who he's playing. Unless he's under guidance from Lucas to act very cool and unresponsive, maybe reflecting the cool unresponsive Darth Vader, something about his acting bothers.

I wonder how Matt's really doing. I went over to Hil's to hang out after she got back from Norway, Sweden, and England, and was invited to have dinner with them too. That was an interesting dinner. I saw that Matt's hyper-critical nature continue during dinner. Is that just a response around people that aren't family or is that just the way he is always? Anyways, I don't see anything but a sign telling me that he's probably suffering in one way or another.

Eric is out again tonight. He went to a friend's house to bon voyage the people going on the IB/PHS Greece & Turkey trip. Oh how much I'd like to go to Turkey. He's always going out, much more than I was, I wonder why? Oh wait, he's the littlest one. He should thank David and I for having pushed the barriers :P.

I studied Chinese for most of the day today. I didn't go to Starbucks and I didn't go look for a job. Guess who's the bum now. Tomorrow I have to go to the County Workforce Center, to look for a job. I wonder if there still are any out there?

Anyways, g'night for now. eh?

I wanted to say...

Just let it be. It's been an enlightening week. I am afraid to just be however I really feel, or at least that's a small realization that I came to at a toso tonight. While one of the members was talking about her experience at FNCC, she said that L. Johnson said to just be however you feel at that moment, on the first night. I realized that I'm not really being truthful to myself if I don't actually say how I feel.

So, here I go, just letting it out, now this is only a small bit of the feelings I have had, but it represents a lot of the feelings I haven't explicitly named or have supressed these last few weeks.

I hurt. I feel rejected. I am tired. I am scared. I don't feel empowered.
I thirst. I hunger. I pain. I desire. I want. I need. Affection.
I would like to help. I want to see the light. I want to have faith in myself. I want to have faith in others. I don't know my abilities. I desire to work. I would like to help you. I want to see my growth. I want to see my brothers happy. I want to see my SUA friends - think tank.

I honestly don't believe in myself. Either you have faith 100% or 0%, and right now I'm at 0%. Not that I wanted to be in this position, but I can't even find it in myself to believe that I have a buddha nature, that I have the ability to change my world/the world. I have to break through this feeling. I can't suffer behind it. I'm not sure where this summer is going to take me, I only hope that it takes me through breakthroughs.

Sorry for being a bummer tonight y'all. That's where I am right now. As it seems, that's where I've been for a while, just not wanting to admit it.

Will Webmasters Move to .xxx?

Will Webmasters Move to .xxx?

I'm thinking I want to change my blogskin. I tried it on my spanish one: if anyone cares to comment on the "new" spanish blogskin in the next few days and tell me if u like it or not.

Spanish blog

Random notes from the past few days

Lightening is so sexy and erotic. It's a momentary flash between two poles of electricity, seeking the quickest (in this case) path to equal out the build up of static electricity in the sky and the ground. Yesterday we had a "gully-washer" that lasted about an hour--it was raining sheets and

My nipples are raw after running this morning. I "ran" about 3'5 miles (5k?) this morning at 09h45. "Running" in this case would be a fast start and then herking-and-jerking to the 'finish' line at home. Percentage of the time spent running/jogging = 85%; windsprinting = 45 seconds; resting from windsprints = 160 seconds; resting = rest. It was so warm by 9h30, I had a hard time believing it was already 75F or 80F. Anyways, back to the nipples. Because I ran for the first time in a while and had a cotton tee on, the shirt rubbed up against my nipples the whole time I was running. I didn't notice until I got in the shower and noticed that my nipples were "hey you up there, we're raw! don't rub soap into us!" So, thus you have the nipple comment.

Other news: I'm fat(ter). Since I haven't done ANY exercise in the last week and a half except the now 2 times I've been to Field Hockey--I've grown fatter. Not that the scale would tell you i've become heavier: i'm actually about 5lbs lighter since I've gotten back. I think I'm losing muscle and gaining fat. Hmm...that's definitely not good. Have to cut down on the calorie intake or increase the exercise output.

I've been productive today: I've read my e-mails. I've doodled. I've started a scrapbook--after seeing the Senior Scrapbook, I was so insipred and so ready to start documenting, for myself, something aobut the last year of SUA. I've vaccuumed the house. I took my grandma to the supermarket.

Now I'm just chatting and being bored. I still should study Zhongwen. And I need to continue on tha whole scrap book thing. Or something.

Tomorrow is yet another day of field hockey. I'm excited.

????????????????

Eric's Friends (Kylie/Yuki, Jun, and Ken) Asians! whoohoo!

The sky...

The sky on Grad Party Day.

Grad party

With: (l-r) Judy, Jere's GF--what's her name, Brianna?, and Jere.

Class Matters - Social Class and Status Markers in the United States of America - The New York Times - New York Times

Class Matters - Social Class and Status Markers in the United States of America - The New York Times - New York Times: "Social class, once so easily assessed by the car in the driveway or the purse on the arm, has become harder to see in the things Americans buy. Rising incomes, flattening prices and easily available credit have given so many Americans access to such a wide array of high-end goods that traditional markers of status have lost much of their meaning. " Interesting Story. About consumerism, class, and well just plain-old U.S.A.

Utahns are cool...in that mormon kinda way.

The mountains of Utah. On our way back from California.

I'm home

I've arrived at home after two days of travel and about 18 hours of driving. A few Lay's, some Chex Mix, a couple apples and an orange, Wendy's, Mickey D's, and Qdoba as sustenance along the way back and I'm home. I've never been so happy to be back at home. I have a lot of things to absorb while I'm here and I'm needing a rest from SUA life. I need some time to mend my heart, my brain, and my soul. What is it that I've needed all along: some time to reflect, a lot of time to study and to chant, and a bit of time to work.

The next couple of days I'm going to spend resting. Maybe in 2 days I'll head out to find a job. I really need to find some place to work that will make me enough money but won't break me in the process. I can do the 40 hours a week, but the truth is I don't want to. 30 hours is something more like what I'm thinking. Then, I'll still have time for the studying I want to do.

One thing that I've noticed: everything is cheaper here--gas is one of them. Almost under $2,00 here. I passed by the Diamond Shamrock on Harmony and Timberline and 85 Unleaded was $2,06. The Premium was $2,25. I wasn't even paying that on 87 Unleaded in SoCal! WTF! I wonder if the food's cheaper here too? I missed Colorado quick food--Qdoba especially! Having Q in Glenwood was awesome and really cheap. God, why don't we have that in SoCal? Qdoba, Red Robin, Big City, etc.

Other things are brewing in my life. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. My name means "growing light." I can see that the light that shines in me is growing. But there's always that force of doubt. It always exists and though I've heard all the guidance given about that darkness, I haven't understood it completely heart and mind.

There's this line from this really cheesy Spanish pop-dance song that goes: "aquel día que te ví me enamoré" and honestly that's how I feel right now. Desde aquel día que le ví a él, me enamoré de él. Y lo que me jode ahora es que ya sé que no me quiere cómo lo quiero. Completamente no sé qué hacer. Mi corazón se haré de nuevo, es seguro. Pero, a él, no puedo dejarlo. Estoy completamente "pegado" a él. Sorry to the non-Spanish speakers, I won't translate it, I'm too tired.